1. “Hey Mr. Taxi Driver”
This is the default greeting for every merry customer who hops into a cab.
It works best if it’s roared at regular intervals throughout the journey.
2. How do you pronounce that?
This is usually reserved for drivers who are immigrants to our fair shores and often follows a squinty look at the name tag on the dashboard.
It is typically bookended with a “do you like it here” and “where are you from?”
Despite having just learned their host’s name, many will then revert to the default “MR TAXI DRIVER”.
Photocall Ireland
3. “Busy this evening?
This can be alternated with:
Are you on for the night?
Just started?
Flickr/Ian Murphy
4. “Can we just stop here for 5 minutes?”
No problem, as long as you realise I’m going to keep the meter running.
5. “We’re just going to swing by here and pick someone up”
Cue 3 extra people trying to squeeze into a full capacity taxi, after a 17 minute wait of course.
6. “I LOVE THIS SONG, TURN IT UP”
7. “I’m not going to get sick, I swear”
This is a red herring. They’re definitely going to get sick.
8. “I’m not eating anything, I swear”
Chomp, chomp, chomp.
9. “Will you change that shite?”
How dare they not appreciate your Dire Straits ‘Brothers in Arms’ cassette/Bill Cullen ‘Penny Apples’ audiobook/Adrian Kennedy Phone Show.
via Etsy
10. “Have you change of a fifty?”
No. And I’m not trying to swizz you. I genuinely don’t have change.
Flickr/GunnarWrobel
11. “Can we stop at an ATM”
After stopping at the ATM they will definitely produce a fifty.
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