THERE ARE SOME films that should come with a warning label which reads:
This seems like a lovely family-friendly film to watch with the parents, but it’s not.
There is lámh-dropping and gob-lobbing were they have no business being, and you may need to make several emergency drips to the bathroom.
Here are just some of those films…
(WARNING: Some of this isn’t safe to read with your parents either)
1. Titanic
The whole family sits down to watch an historical drama about the doomed Titanic, setting sail across the Atlantic with no idea wha… WHAT’S GOING ON?
WHAT ARE THEY DOING IN THAT CAR?
WHY IS THAT HAND SO SWEATY?
KATE, WHERE IS YOUR TOP?
2. Love Actually
Oh lovely, a Christmas film for all the family.
Hugh Grant and his floppy hair and lovely Colin Firth and that lad from Teachers and… oh god, what’s happening?
The first of the ‘porn’ scenes from Love Actually is tame enough.
However just you think you’ve escaped unscathed The Hobbit/Tim from the Office/John Watson and Stacey from Gavin and Stacey do this to you:
QUICK! Someone pass the bumper RTÉ Guide so you have something to bury your head in.
3. Ghost
We’ve all been there:
When suddenly:
Oh God:
4. Four Weddings and a Funeral
More Hugh Grant and his floppy hair. Mr Bean as the vicar. Lovely stuff. Fine family fare… AH HERE! WHAT’s HUGH GRANT DOING TO ANDIE MCDOWELL?
And then, just when you think it’s safe, the bride and groom start going at it:
And then Andie Mc-Bloody-Dowell goes and does this to you:
5. Circle of Friends
Based on a Maeve Binchy book, filmed in Ireland, starring that lovely actress with the large face from Good Will Hunting, Chris O’Donnell’s abysmal Irish accent… sure what could go wrong?
This. This is what could go wrong…
Nan and Simon making the beast with two backs:
Nan dropping the lámh on Jack:
And Benny and Jack wearing the faces off each other in the car:
Essentially the whole film is about people trying to have it off with each other. A heads up would have been nice.
6. The Shining
The Shining is just the kind of classic horror film you think is safe to watch with parents or with parents in close proximity.
However, this is the very moment your mam will choose to walk in to ask you if you have any white washing:
7. Bridesmaids
Bridesmaids was the big Christmas night movie on RTÉ One last year.
So everyone finished off their last bit of pudding, poured another glass of Baileys, pushed the paper hat out of their eyes and crammed onto the couch to watch it.
And then this happened:
8. Team America
Sure look, this is practically a cartoon, right?!
No. It is not a cartoon. It is nowhere near a cartoon. Unless you want to compare it to the harrowing scenes of Animal Farm or Watership Down.
Of course the real question is: Do you flee to the bathroom during the puppet sex scene, or do you just sweat it out?
9. Black Swan
Oscar winning, something to do with ballet. Sounds grand. Maybe a bit boring.
YOU COULDN’T BE MORE WRONG!
Aaaand you’re never ever watching anything ever again. It’s just not worth it.
Ever been caught in an embarrassing telly/cinema situation with your mam or dad? Let us know in the comments…
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