GOING TO MASS this Easter has been a struggle for many…

1. The format has changed since you used to go regularly

Listen, we’re not going to lie. We don’t go to mass every Sunday. So, when you eventually decide to pop along and repent, it’s always surprising how much has changed. Way to get caught out saying the wrong thing.

2. The familiar panic of who to turn to first to give peace

What if the person you turn to first turns away? What do you do when you run out of people and everyone is still shaking? So much potential for disaster.

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3. Trying to sneak out after communion

What was formerly a childhood dream, can now be a reality. No one is there to tell you you can’t. While you risk being seen and tutted at by Bernie down the road, it certainly beats the certain trauma of trying to find your seat on the way back. Run while you have the chance.

4. That’s if you even make it on time

You don’t want to queue, but then you risk this…

5. Trying not to laugh at the person who’s late with the words

Thanks be to God…

….

…

be to God.

6. When the person in front of you doesn’t kneel

Eh, HELLO? This is designated kneeling time. Now you have to kneel there with no room for your hands and a nice view of the back of their head.

Woman in blue, we’re looking at you.

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7. Kids are like a ticking time bomb just waiting to go off

No crying room? The whole church is the crying room now.

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8. The collection. The whole collection

Another minefield. How much do you give? What if you forgot to get some smaller change? Prepare to look like the biggest scab in all the land.

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