CONTROL YOUR HEAVING bosoms, tell your throbbing members to stand down, because the nominees for the annual bad sex in writing awards are out.

Chosen by The Literary Review as this year’s most cringetastic prose, the nominees’ work:

…draws attention to the crude, badly written, often perfunctory use of redundant passages of sexual description in the modern novel.

And here, for your Friday afternoon pleasure, are some samples:

 1.

Imgur Imgur

 2.

Shutterstock.com Shutterstock.com

3.

Shutterstock.com Shutterstock.com

4.

Shutterstock Shutterstock

5.

Imgur Imgur

6.

Shutterstock Shutterstock

And the nominees are:

• My Education by Susan Choi
• The Last Banquet by Jonathan Grimwood
• House of Earth by Woody Guthrie
• Motherland by William Nicholson
• The Victoria System by Eric Reinhardt
• The World Was All Before Them by Matthew Reynolds
• The City of Devi by Manil Suri
• Secrecy by Rupert Thomson

WHAT? No Alan Shatter? We demand an inquiry!

Read: The sex scene from Alan Shatter’s novel>

Irish author wins ‘bad sex’ award>