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In which Ronan Keating assumes his best “Oirish” accent and ill-advisedly covers one of the most beloved Christmas songs of all time.
A travesty and an abomination.
Moving on.
31. Bo Selecta – Proper CrimboCan Christmas songs be described as “scaldy”? Because that’s the only word we can think to describe this fairly sorry attempt at a “gas” Christmas tune.
30. Mr. Hankey – Mr. Hankey, The Christmas PooThe worst thing about Mr. Hankey The Christmas Poo is that it’s actually extremely catchy. Unfortunately, it’s literally a Christmas song about the texture of shite, so you can’t listen to it if you’re above the age of 10.
29. Cliff Richard – Mistletoe And WineYou know when your religion teacher tries to jazz up a hymn to make it sound fun/catchy, but it still just sounds like a hymn? That’s what Mistletoe and Wine is like.
28. Mud – Lonely This Christmas A song that has the potential to make you weep into a glass of Baileys if you’re any way tired and emotional. Not exactly cheery stuff.
27. Dustin The Turkey – Christmas Tree“I wonder how, I wonder why, Santa and the reindeer are able to fly”. We’re not gonna lie — there’s something very cheery/endearing about Dustin’s off-key singing, but it’s just not *quite* up there with the rest.
26. Various – Baby, It’s Cold OutsideOnce upon a time, this was a classic, but its legacy has since been tarnished by the realisation that it’s actually very creepy. (“Say, what’s in this drink?” Yikes.)
It’s frankly astonishing that Bruce Springsteen ever got away with this song because he sounds (a) constipated and (b) like your drunk uncle at a wedding.
23. Paul McCartney – Wonderful ChristmastimeBasically the musical equivalent of those people who are like, “I have all my shopping done!” on December 5th. Completely and utterly maddening.
21. Elvis Presley – Blue ChristmasA good slow Christmas song for when you’re feeling too full from eating too much turkey and Viennetta. “Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh…”
20. Aled Jones – Walking In The Air Banger. (Even if it always makes us freak out about not posting our Christmas cards in time.)
17. Chris Rea – Driving Home For ChristmasControversial opinion, but Driving Home For Christmas sounds like music you listen to while waiting to talk to a customer representative on the phone. #zing
16. Nat King Cole - Christmas SongDoes any other song better encapsulate the magic of Christmas and make you pine for a bit of snow? We think not.
10. Eartha Kitt/Madonna/Kylie Minogue – Santa Baby Sure, there’s something a bit disconcerting about a woman flirting with Santa Claus, but can you imagine going through the festive season without hearing Santa Baby?
8. Jona Lewie – Stop The CavalrySure, it might technically be a protest song, but few songs inspire as much fuzzy festive feelings as Stop The Cavalry. *parum-pum-pum-pum-pum-pum*
6. Wizzard – I Wish It Could Be Christmas EverydayOne of those songs that makes you forget about all the stress and hassle of Christmas shopping/cooking the turkey/spending prolonged periods of time with your extended family, and reminds you of just how wonderful Christmas really is.
3. Mariah Carey – All I Want For Christmas Is YouThe one Christmas song we all insist on belting out even if we don’t have a note in our head. “I-i-i-i-i don’t want a lot for Christmas…” Bow down, Mariah.
2. Wham! – Last ChristmasA perfect pop song in every way and one that makes us want to go on a ski holiday with friends to gossip about our ex. Love, love, love. (Shout out to George Michael’s incredible hair as well.)
If Ireland had an official Christmas anthem, this would be it. It’s bawdy, it plucks at your heartstrings and it’s basically made for singing in pubs — the kind of song you miss hearing when you’re away from home at Christmas.
“And the bells were ringing out for Christmas Day…”
Thursday 7 November, 2024
Thursday 7 November, 2024
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32 iconic Christmas songs, ranked from worst to best
32. Ronan Keating – Fairytale of New York
In which Ronan Keating assumes his best “Oirish” accent and ill-advisedly covers one of the most beloved Christmas songs of all time.
A travesty and an abomination.
Moving on.
31. Bo Selecta – Proper Crimbo Can Christmas songs be described as “scaldy”? Because that’s the only word we can think to describe this fairly sorry attempt at a “gas” Christmas tune.
30. Mr. Hankey – Mr. Hankey, The Christmas Poo The worst thing about Mr. Hankey The Christmas Poo is that it’s actually extremely catchy. Unfortunately, it’s literally a Christmas song about the texture of shite, so you can’t listen to it if you’re above the age of 10.
29. Cliff Richard – Mistletoe And Wine You know when your religion teacher tries to jazz up a hymn to make it sound fun/catchy, but it still just sounds like a hymn? That’s what Mistletoe and Wine is like.
28. Mud – Lonely This Christmas A song that has the potential to make you weep into a glass of Baileys if you’re any way tired and emotional. Not exactly cheery stuff.
27. Dustin The Turkey – Christmas Tree “I wonder how, I wonder why, Santa and the reindeer are able to fly”. We’re not gonna lie — there’s something very cheery/endearing about Dustin’s off-key singing, but it’s just not *quite* up there with the rest.
26. Various – Baby, It’s Cold Outside Once upon a time, this was a classic, but its legacy has since been tarnished by the realisation that it’s actually very creepy. (“Say, what’s in this drink?” Yikes.)
25. The Darkness – Christmas Time (Don’t Let The Bells End) Heard your Da really likes this one.
24. Bruce Springsteen – Santa Claus Is Coming To Town
It’s frankly astonishing that Bruce Springsteen ever got away with this song because he sounds (a) constipated and (b) like your drunk uncle at a wedding.
23. Paul McCartney – Wonderful Christmastime Basically the musical equivalent of those people who are like, “I have all my shopping done!” on December 5th. Completely and utterly maddening.
22. Run DMC – Christmas In Hollis Highly underrated Christmas jam with a pretty special video to boot.
21. Elvis Presley – Blue Christmas A good slow Christmas song for when you’re feeling too full from eating too much turkey and Viennetta. “Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh…”
20. Aled Jones – Walking In The Air Banger. (Even if it always makes us freak out about not posting our Christmas cards in time.)
19. Chris De Burgh – A Spaceman Came Travelling *drunkenly waves arms in the air* LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA.
18. Elton John – Step Into Christmas Makes us want to put on a pair of novelty sunglasses and dance around the Christmas tree.
17. Chris Rea – Driving Home For Christmas Controversial opinion, but Driving Home For Christmas sounds like music you listen to while waiting to talk to a customer representative on the phone. #zing
16. Nat King Cole - Christmas Song Does any other song better encapsulate the magic of Christmas and make you pine for a bit of snow? We think not.
15. Brenda Lee – Jingle Bell Rock *immediately breaks into Mean Girls routine*
14. Slade - Merry Christmas Everybody
A song that either inspires feelings of rage and pleas to turn it off or feelings of pure, unadulterated Christmas joy.
Never anything in between.
13. The Jackson 5 – Santa Claus Is Coming To Town Puts Bruce’s version to shame.
12. The Pretenders – 2000 Miles Lovely and faintly melancholy antidote to every other Christmas song out there.
11. Brenda Lee – Rockin’ Around The Christmas Tree An absolute cracker, to be fair.
10. Eartha Kitt/Madonna/Kylie Minogue – Santa Baby Sure, there’s something a bit disconcerting about a woman flirting with Santa Claus, but can you imagine going through the festive season without hearing Santa Baby?
9. Shakin’ Stevens – Merry Christmas Everyone *trumpet solo*
8. Jona Lewie – Stop The Cavalry Sure, it might technically be a protest song, but few songs inspire as much fuzzy festive feelings as Stop The Cavalry. *parum-pum-pum-pum-pum-pum*
7. The Waitresses – Christmas Wrapping So sassy, so festive. Should be played at every Christmas disco.
6. Wizzard – I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday One of those songs that makes you forget about all the stress and hassle of Christmas shopping/cooking the turkey/spending prolonged periods of time with your extended family, and reminds you of just how wonderful Christmas really is.
5. East 17 – Stay Another Day
If only for the lads’ iconic white jackets.
#styling
4. Band Aid – Do They Know It’s Christmas? But only the 1984 version, obvs. (Although we have to give a shout to Dizzee Rascal’s verse on the 2004 cover.)
3. Mariah Carey – All I Want For Christmas Is You The one Christmas song we all insist on belting out even if we don’t have a note in our head. “I-i-i-i-i don’t want a lot for Christmas…” Bow down, Mariah.
2. Wham! – Last Christmas A perfect pop song in every way and one that makes us want to go on a ski holiday with friends to gossip about our ex. Love, love, love. (Shout out to George Michael’s incredible hair as well.)
1. The Pogues feat. Kirsty McColl – Fairytale of New York
If Ireland had an official Christmas anthem, this would be it. It’s bawdy, it plucks at your heartstrings and it’s basically made for singing in pubs — the kind of song you miss hearing when you’re away from home at Christmas.
“And the bells were ringing out for Christmas Day…”
The best.
<3
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