STEP OFF, EVERYONE. The title of ‘Best Classified Ad Writer On The Internet’ has been claimed.

And it’s by a woman from Sallynoggin, selling a few bits on Adverts.ie. It’s all pretty much junk, but you’ll want to buy everything she has to offer.

Here are a few examples:

‘Possibly cursed sweet dispenser’

Adverts.ie Adverts.ie

Description:

An ex from 2010 gave it to me and I had a nightmare about him last night so obviously my first thought was that sweet dispenser under the stairs that I haven’t looked at in four years is clearly cursed I should pop it up on adverts.Cleaning spray not included guys, come on be cool. It’s obviously just there for a size reference.

‘Retired Magic Carpet’

Adverts.ie Adverts.ie

Description:

‘Hey girl is that a stain in your carpet or are you just happy to see me?’ – Ryan Gosling, probably.

‘Empty Yellow Chair’

Adverts.ie Adverts.ie

Description:

Two of the wheels need to be screwed back in would take two seconds, I would do it but my back is like, ‘babe, no.’
Suitable for bedroom/office/den/smugglers hideout/tree house/kids room

Finally, she is also selling ‘Free Advice from Gary the Cat. Today only.’

Here is Gary the Cat:

Adverts.ie Adverts.ie

Description:

Today only! Get it quick before the World ends.
Only one reply per customer.No issue is too big or too small, Tyrions and Hounds alike all welcome.

Love advice includes free hug.

Advice is non refundable and may induce feelings of satisfaction and or rage, please contact your physician before seeking advice from the Internet.

Sample advice: “Count to ten then lick your paw for a long time.”

Right, we’re off to ask Gary for advice on whether to buy the sweet dispenser.

Thanks @DaveLaFaro for bringing this to our attention!

Yes, Adverts.ie are part of our group of companies. No, they didn’t give us money (or coffee, or hugs) to put this up. 

More: Dublin guy sells excuses for €2.99 on Adverts.ie>