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A cruel exercise in cognitive dissonance, masquerading as a refreshing snack. I wouldn’t put damp sand in your roast dinner and ask you to eat it, so why put jelly in an ice pop?
Word has it that the victims in the latest Saw movie are force-fed these.
Lifted one place above the ‘worst’ slot only because it has no pretensions whatsoever. But still, the feeling of your mum saying “I got ice creams!” and then pulling a battered box of these out of the Tesco bag is possibly worse than death.
12. Brunch
OK, so maybe these were a brand unluckily overtaken by the Celtic Tiger. But still, would you really make a pink ice cream and then name it after a meal consisting primarily of rashers?
The ultimate ‘notions’ ice cream. OK, they taste good, but seriously? You’re a sunburnt person in a park, not a friggin’ Oxendales catalogue. Get over yourself and buy a Super Split.
The ‘samurai booby trap’ of ice creams. Nearly impossible to eat without getting all down your front. And that’s after you’ve fired the thing directly into your face while trying to squeeze it out of the cardboard.
However, it is lifted from frozen obscurity by the cold melty liquid that’s left at the end – a sugar hit so pure and invigorating that as-yet-undiscovered tribes do shots of it before going into battle.
On the one hand, this is the faintly lame ice cream your mammy would buy when she’s ‘treating herself’. On the other – we’re all our mammy’s children, aren’t we?
Frankly, the combination of orange juice and milk is one that should not be mentioned in polite company. However the Super Split makes a valiant effort to combine them, and God loves a trier.
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The kind of ice cream you’d never buy for yourself, but you’d still be sort of pleased if someone else bought you one.
Frankly, whoever had the idea of putting a solid bar of chocolate in the middle of an ice cream should be handed the freedom of Ireland and… I dunno, a free campervan or something.
However, it slips down the rankings a little because the chocolate in question tastes like it was made in 1950 by a factory operating under strict wartime rationing regulations. You win some, you lose some.
They said it would never work. They said it couldn’t be done. But WHO’S LAUGHING NOW?
A rare innovator in the ice-cream field, the Mars – along with all those that followed it – deserves credit for changing the game. But it’s still not really in the ice cream gang. When they have ice cream get-togethers, it dances awkwardly and leaves at 10pm “because it’s just really tired”.
The Ice Berger may look simple – bland, even. But behind that faintly unappetising facade lies a delicately-balanced combination of ice cream and biscuit that flashier confections can only envy.
Also, if there was a Nobel prize for ice cream names, the Ice Berger would win it every single year. At this stage, everyone else would have just stopped entering.
The ‘fancy underwear’ of ice creams. Why? Because they’re undersized, overpackaged and extravagantly priced – but boy, do you feel classy as hell when you get into them.
King of ice creams. The masterstroke of including pear – an almost unheard-of flavour in the ice cream world – would almost have been enough for greatness. But then to combine it with vanilla ice cream and… pink stuff… in a towering twist of sunny-day ecstasy? It’s breathtaking.
The Tangle Twister is so good that its name is actually just Twister, but everyone adds another word onto it, just out of respect. True story.
What are your thoughts? Do you want to argue with this final and definitive ranking? The comments are now open…
Friday 22 November, 2024
Friday 22 November, 2024
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Irish ice creams: A definitive ranking from worst to best
STUNNED BY THE sunshine, the population of Ireland have this week – almost as one – turned to ice cream.
Here at DailyEdge.ie, we know what matters. So today we have painstakingly ranked all the varieties of Irish ice cream.* From worst to best.
This ranking is final and definitive.
* By ‘Irish ice cream’, we mean ice cream available in Ireland. By ‘all’, we mean ‘some of the main ones’.
14. Wibbly Wobbly Wonder
YouTube
A cruel exercise in cognitive dissonance, masquerading as a refreshing snack. I wouldn’t put damp sand in your roast dinner and ask you to eat it, so why put jelly in an ice pop?
Word has it that the victims in the latest Saw movie are force-fed these.
13. Giant Bar
mysupermarket.co.uk
Lifted one place above the ‘worst’ slot only because it has no pretensions whatsoever. But still, the feeling of your mum saying “I got ice creams!” and then pulling a battered box of these out of the Tesco bag is possibly worse than death.
12. Brunch
OK, so maybe these were a brand unluckily overtaken by the Celtic Tiger. But still, would you really make a pink ice cream and then name it after a meal consisting primarily of rashers?
No, you wouldn’t.
11. Solero
handbag.com
The ultimate ‘notions’ ice cream. OK, they taste good, but seriously? You’re a sunburnt person in a park, not a friggin’ Oxendales catalogue. Get over yourself and buy a Super Split.
10. Calippo
Flickr/heartcaves
The ‘samurai booby trap’ of ice creams. Nearly impossible to eat without getting all down your front. And that’s after you’ve fired the thing directly into your face while trying to squeeze it out of the cardboard.
However, it is lifted from frozen obscurity by the cold melty liquid that’s left at the end – a sugar hit so pure and invigorating that as-yet-undiscovered tribes do shots of it before going into battle.
9. Cornetto
Flickr/comedy_nose
On the one hand, this is the faintly lame ice cream your mammy would buy when she’s ‘treating herself’. On the other – we’re all our mammy’s children, aren’t we?
8. Super Split
redcafe.net
Frankly, the combination of orange juice and milk is one that should not be mentioned in polite company. However the Super Split makes a valiant effort to combine them, and God loves a trier.
The kind of ice cream you’d never buy for yourself, but you’d still be sort of pleased if someone else bought you one.
7. Feast
Flickr/whatleydude
Frankly, whoever had the idea of putting a solid bar of chocolate in the middle of an ice cream should be handed the freedom of Ireland and… I dunno, a free campervan or something.
However, it slips down the rankings a little because the chocolate in question tastes like it was made in 1950 by a factory operating under strict wartime rationing regulations. You win some, you lose some.
6. Mars
marsicecream.co.uk
They said it would never work. They said it couldn’t be done. But WHO’S LAUGHING NOW?
A rare innovator in the ice-cream field, the Mars – along with all those that followed it – deserves credit for changing the game. But it’s still not really in the ice cream gang. When they have ice cream get-togethers, it dances awkwardly and leaves at 10pm “because it’s just really tired”.
5. Ice Berger
quiz-zone.co.uk
The Ice Berger may look simple – bland, even. But behind that faintly unappetising facade lies a delicately-balanced combination of ice cream and biscuit that flashier confections can only envy.
Also, if there was a Nobel prize for ice cream names, the Ice Berger would win it every single year. At this stage, everyone else would have just stopped entering.
4. Mr Freeze
burstsofbubbles.blogspot.com
OK, so they’re impossible to open and slice your mouth to shreds. But who said ice-cold delicious refreshment was ever going to be easy?
Simple, delicious, AND they turn your mouth weird colours. A classic.
3. Magnum
Flickr/miamism
The ‘fancy underwear’ of ice creams. Why? Because they’re undersized, overpackaged and extravagantly priced – but boy, do you feel classy as hell when you get into them.
2. Loop the Loop
unilever.com
An underrated classic of the Irish ice cream market. I know, it seems like an ice cream for kids. But do me a favour and just try it.
Done?
Now tell me that isn’t one HELL of a grown-up ice cream, right there. Go on. Say it to my face.
1. Tangle Twister
Flickr/handolio
King of ice creams. The masterstroke of including pear – an almost unheard-of flavour in the ice cream world – would almost have been enough for greatness. But then to combine it with vanilla ice cream and… pink stuff… in a towering twist of sunny-day ecstasy? It’s breathtaking.
The Tangle Twister is so good that its name is actually just Twister, but everyone adds another word onto it, just out of respect. True story.
What are your thoughts? Do you want to argue with this final and definitive ranking? The comments are now open…
Irish biscuits: A definitive ranking from worst to best>
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brunch calippo Cornetto giant bar ice pop Ice-Cream licked loop the loop magnum