EVERY YEAR, AT around this time, our glorious state broadcaster announces its new schedule for Autumn.

Today is that day!

We’ve got our sweaty little mitts on the line-up for later this year, and are ready to present you with the highlights and lowlights of Autumn 2013′s proposed television schedule.

The Worst Offenders

1.  Damo and Ivor

…follows the lives of the identical twin brothers who were separated not long after birth. Damo is left to grow up on the mean streets of Dublin while Ivor is given a life of wealth and luxury…

There are really super parts of Republic of Telly.  Damo and Ivor is not one of them.

2.  Vogue Does Home and Away

Vogue McFadden hustles show producers, takes acting classes and tries to land an audition and ultimately a part…

Good luck to her. But do we need to watch it on telly?

3.  My Best Shot

My Best Shot is a studio game that shows people at their very best and sexiest, and – if they don’t win – at least they exit with the ultimate profile picture for future online dating.

Sorry, what?

4.  My Big Fat Irish Dancing Dress

My Big Fat Irish Dancing Dress celebrates the enthusiastic personalities in the world of Irish dance; from the over-40s who are still in ankle socks and ringlets to the Taiwanese…

This actually sounds quite good but must we persist in calling every second programme ‘My Big Fat…’?  Must we?!?

5.  The Voice of Ireland

The massive hit series The Voice of Ireland returns to our screens this season, putting the emphasis firmly on the quality of the participants’ vocal performance…

CRINGE-A-RAMA.

YouTube/RTETheVoice

The best prospects…

1.  Love/Hate

Series 4 begins with Nidge and the gang trying to survive in the endless recession that dogs the rotten republic…unknown to the gang, his activies have attracted the attention of the gardaí in the form of a semi-autonomous squad of secret undercover operatives.

Undoubtedly the best drama to come out of RTÉ of late, we can’t wait to catch up with Nidge and the lads.

2.  Quirke

An atmospheric thriller set in 1950s Dublin…Gabriel Byrne stars as the chief pathologist in the city morgue, a charismatic loner whose job takes him into unexpected places as he uncovers the secrets of sudden death.

This three part series was produced by the BBC, so the production values will be high.  It’ll be worth a watch, if only to see how they’ve recreated the dublin of 60 years ago.

3.  Living on the Frontline

Filmed over six months, Living on the Frontline exposes the myth of musclebound bouncers and looks at the dedicated and profession staff that can defuse a tense situation with a few choice words and a laugh.

Everyone has their own opinion of the men and women who guard the doorways of the nation’s drinking establishments.  It will be interesting to see what they’re really like.

4.  Des Bishop’s Chinese Revolution

Des Bishop moves to China for year and attempts to mount a one man comedy show for an audience through Mandarin Chinese…living with a Chinese host family, attending Chinese university, working in restaurants and ice-cream vans; Des is fully immersing himself in Chinese culture in pursuit of his goal.

Des always manages to strike the balance between the informative and the entertaining, this is bound to be a good’un.

5.  Reality Bites: Nightshift

Nightshift documents a night in the life of those who are only starting their day’s work as we lie tucked up in bed. From paramedics to sex webcam workers, we see the extraordinary people and the jobs they do…

Aside from the content sounding interesting, we really like the photo of these two jolly looking men which accompanies the programme description on the RTE website.

What? You’ve never seen a donkey/trumpet duet before?>

Not everyone gets the ‘confess your unpopular opinion’ hashtag>