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WITH MORE AND more Irish people going to the cinema according to new figures, we think it’s time for a quick recap on the proper etiquette.
Break these rules at your peril…
Arriving late
If you trip into the cinema after the lights have gone down and the film has already started, there’s no way we’re going to feel sorry for you as you fumble up the stairs, desperately peering into the rows for an empty seat.
And if you chose our row, forcing us to accordion our legs/stand up and miss 15 seconds of the movie we might consider finding out where you live, arriving in the dead of night with a trout, and placing it in your curtain pelmets. Ok?
Whispering
There’s only one sound more annoying than out and out talking in the cinema, and that’s persistent exaggerated whispering and giggling.
“PSH WSH WSH WSH PSH PWH GIGGLE GIGGLE PSH WSH”.
Cut it out.
Using your phone after the lights go down
Shutterstock.com
Shutterstock.com
Even if you think you’re hiding it well after the lights go down, someone behind you CAN STILL SEE IT AND YOU’RE RUINING THE FILM FOR THEM. PUT IT AWAY YOU CRETIN.
If you can’t live without checking your texts/Facebook/Twitter for more than two hours then get in the sea.
Not buying your own snacks and then taking all of someone else’s snacks
Oh God no I won’t have any popcorn sure I just had my dinner and LOOk at the price of it.
*spends the entire film with their trotter in your popcorn*
We know you’ve just tipped your Maltesers into your popcorn with exuberant fervour, but try to keep your lip smacking under control.
Ditto excessive bag rustling.
Incorrect seat etiquette when it’s busy
It’s understandable that you don’t what your elbow to have to touch the elbow of whatever horrific stranger is sitting beside you, but please, if it’s busy, don’t leave seats between you like you all have the plague.
Incorrect seat etiquette when it’s quiet
There are 11 people in the cinema, yet you simply have to come and inhale your Tangfastics right beside us? Nope.
Feet on the seats
Nobody wants your battered cods resting by the heads, ok?
Oh, and if you’re considering taking your shoes off you better be sure they smell like roses.
Shoes off, stockinged feet poking through the gap between the seats. That’s the people behind me. And say that the magic of cinema is dead?
Wednesday 25 December, 2024
Wednesday 25 December, 2024
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11 absolutely unforgivable cinema sins
WITH MORE AND more Irish people going to the cinema according to new figures, we think it’s time for a quick recap on the proper etiquette.
Break these rules at your peril…
Arriving late
If you trip into the cinema after the lights have gone down and the film has already started, there’s no way we’re going to feel sorry for you as you fumble up the stairs, desperately peering into the rows for an empty seat.
And if you chose our row, forcing us to accordion our legs/stand up and miss 15 seconds of the movie we might consider finding out where you live, arriving in the dead of night with a trout, and placing it in your curtain pelmets. Ok?
Whispering
There’s only one sound more annoying than out and out talking in the cinema, and that’s persistent exaggerated whispering and giggling.
“PSH WSH WSH WSH PSH PWH GIGGLE GIGGLE PSH WSH”.
Cut it out.
Using your phone after the lights go down
Even if you think you’re hiding it well after the lights go down, someone behind you CAN STILL SEE IT AND YOU’RE RUINING THE FILM FOR THEM. PUT IT AWAY YOU CRETIN.
If you can’t live without checking your texts/Facebook/Twitter for more than two hours then get in the sea.
Not buying your own snacks and then taking all of someone else’s snacks
*spends the entire film with their trotter in your popcorn*
Chomping
We know you’ve just tipped your Maltesers into your popcorn with exuberant fervour, but try to keep your lip smacking under control.
Ditto excessive bag rustling.
Incorrect seat etiquette when it’s busy
It’s understandable that you don’t what your elbow to have to touch the elbow of whatever horrific stranger is sitting beside you, but please, if it’s busy, don’t leave seats between you like you all have the plague.
Incorrect seat etiquette when it’s quiet
There are 11 people in the cinema, yet you simply have to come and inhale your Tangfastics right beside us? Nope.
Feet on the seats
Nobody wants your battered cods resting by the heads, ok?
Oh, and if you’re considering taking your shoes off you better be sure they smell like roses.
Repeated bathroom breaks
Get a catheter mate.
Clapping at the end of the film
We hope you find someone who claps when a plane lands and that you’ll both be very happy together. In Hedes.
Leaving a mess like this
You have opposable thumbs. Use them.
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