IF THERE’S ONE thing we love doing in Ireland, it’s talking about the weather. Constantly.

Chances are, you have these conversations all of the time, all of the days.

1. Descriptions of exactly how wet you got

Your jeans are soaked, your coat feels like it’s been dunked in a bath and your socks are sapping. Better tell everyone around you, loudly.

Crackabis Crackabis

These horror-filled scenes occupy every office of a wet morning, and you have air-con so radiators aren’t an option. Fresh, moist, hell.

2. Wild presumptions and predictions

It’s to be -20 this weekend, after the hurricane hits of course. This conversation re-hashes the belief that all extreme weather broadcasts will eventually make their way across the ocean to hit Ireland with ‘the last of it’.

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3. Negativity

It’s too cold to snow, the sun won’t last. If we’re wrong, the snow won’t stick anyway or it’s now too hot and every pasty leg in Ireland is out.

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4. Thanking God

Lovely weather, thank God. We didn’t get the worst of it, thank God. Or, if we’re back to the predicting phase, we’ll revert to begging.

This conversation is usually utilised in an awkward situation when you’ve nothing else to talk about.

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5. Stating the obvious

There’s nothing like stepping outside with someone and having a little back-and-forth about your mutual condition.

It’s freezing out. It IS freezing out.

Photocall Ireland! Photocall Ireland!

6. Status of the drying

Irish people have an unrestrained desire to fill everyone in on the status of their washing. In an ideal situation, there’ll be grand drying in the weather. Anything else, and you’re told to double up on socks because mam can’t get anything dry in that.

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7. Dramatisation

You were nearly LITERALLY blown over and the wind was LITERALLY cuttin through you. Got a bit wet? There was no need for a shower so.

Then there’s the constant worry if you should put out the bins. Carnage.

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8. Jokes

Sure isn’t it Ireland! What else would you be expecting but rain?

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Is that really the sun out there? Cause it never happens? Get it? Get it?

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9. Discussions of how it was that morning

“When I got up there was ice on the paths, ICE.”

People launch into these conversations half to let you know how early they got up, half to stop you from complaining about the current weather.

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Did someone say ice? This will inevitably come up #neverforget

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Sad penguins given antidepressants because the British weather is so awful>

The huge storm looming over Ireland is in the shape of a question mark>