1. Is there anyone left at all?

You’ve been to 724 weddings in the past five years. Surely all of the single people, except you, are gone?

3. Young people pity me. THEY PITY ME

3. Everyone is on Tinder, should I be on Tinder?

Download it, find four photos that look next to nothing like you, and give it a whirl.

@boscamilis @boscamilis

4. Oh God, get me off Tinder

There are only so many Anchorman quotes, selfies with Tigers, and group photos you can take.

Tinder Guys With Tigers Tinder Guys With Tigers

5. Wait, did I just accidentally lie about my age?

Once you hit your thirties you become so elderly that you forget what age you actually are, a lá Nadine Coyle in Popstars.

You find yourself telling a potential date: “I’m 33… no wait… 32. Hang on, what year is it?”

6. Do people think there’s something wrong with me?

Do they think I smell like egg, or steal from people, or am fundamentally unloveable? THEY DO, DON’T THEY?

7. Oh God, a wedding, who will I bring?

Nothing strikes fear into the single heart more than “plus guest”.

8. Oh God, a wedding, I can’t face the questions

Any fellas?

Any ladies?

How’s the love life?

How’s the cat?

Those kinds of questions.

9. Oh God I’m going on a date. Oh Christ

Succumbing to Tinder/Plenty of Fish/being set up/the follow up to a drunken shift is even more daunting the older you get.

10. I forgot to tape my stories

Going on said date means you’re going to mess up your cosy routine of Masterchef watching.

Is there anyway you can make an emergency and covet dash home to the Skybox?

11. They’re definitely going to know someone I know

You were planning on telling everyone that you met in the cereal isle in Tesco, by the Wheetos.

But now it turns out they live next door to your auntie and went to Foróige with your best friend from work, that’s out the window.

12. I need to plan my hangover

Everyone knows that hangovers in your thirties are akin to being placed inside a carwash full of nails.

13.  Did I put away the underpants/Microwave for One cookbook/scratching stick?

Hey, you might get lucky! But your house/room is almost certainly not ready for you to get lucky.

Amazon Amazon

GOOD LUCK OUT THERE! You’re all…

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