SO WE DIDN’T GET into the Eurovision final. So what! We can get gay married and drown our Eurovision sorrows with a good old drinking game.

All you’ll need is a telly, some pals (or Twitter pals) and a beverage of your choice – wine, beer, tea, whatever suits.

Take one sip of your drink every time each of the following happens…

1. The backing dancers upstage the singers

DailyEdge.ie DailyEdge.ie

Every time a dancer conspicuously crawls across the floor, or twirls around uselessly, take a drink. (This happens more often than you’d expect.)

2. A contestant wears a cape

Didn’t you hear? Capes are big news at Eurovision this year.

Madonna. Poor pet. PA WIRE PA WIRE

Drink every time you see one, and pray someone doesn’t do a Madonna (or pray someone does, if you’re into that sort of thing).

3. You hear a strange, nonsensical lyric

Ronald Zak / PA Wire Ronald Zak / PA Wire / PA Wire

Like this one, from Belgium (above): “We’re gonnara-ba-bab, ra-ba-bab/ We’re gonnara-ba-bab tonight”. You can have that one for free.

4. The hosts try to joke around, but fail miserably

Kerstin Joensson / PA Wire Kerstin Joensson / PA Wire / PA Wire

Inevitable. DRINK!

5. Graham Norton makes a sassy comment

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Norton loves his zingers. Enough to get you stinking drunk? We’ll see.

6. Marty Whelan seems bemused by the whole thing

Eamonn Farrell / Photocall Ireland Eamonn Farrell / Photocall Ireland / Photocall Ireland

Drink every time he says something sort of vague, like this:

Whoops!

We couldn't find this Tweet

7. Someone snarks about Australia being in the competition

This is the Eurovision. Snarking is not allowed (much). DRINK.

8. The Irish representative appears on screen

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Look! IT’S US! IT’S US! Waaaheeyy!

9. Someone does something truly weird

Associated Press Associated Press

It’s looking rare at this year’s competition, but if it happens, it MUST be commemorated.

10. Someone says ‘douze pointe’

YouTube YouTube

You might as well go for broke at this stage. DOUZE POINTE FOR ALL!

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