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Yes, yes, you don’t care. But you keep that smile on your face until a good while after, and then you can die from awkwardness in a socially safe area.
Tuesday 12 November, 2024
Tuesday 12 November, 2024
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11 mortifying things everyone does when they meet their ex
YOU’RE OUT AND about, having a good time, when you see your ex out of nowhere.
You know it’s probably going to be awkward, so you fall back on these standard moves:
1. Spotting them in the crowd like
*panic stations*
2. Pretend you haven’t seen them
Until it gets to the point where it’s impossible not to greet each other.
3. Completely exaggerate the hello
“Hiiiiii” has never been said with such fake enthusiasm before.
4. Subtly try to slip in how well you’re doing
Embellishing life achievements is acceptable in this situation.
Trying to mention all your massive life successes in a subtle way is the true challenge.
5. Smile politely at their inevitably great new life
They’re not going to tell you that things are awful, are they?
6. Ignore the fact that you know all their news through expert Facebook creeping
“Oh, you were on holiday to Ibiza last week? Great.”
7. Have awkward chats with their friends
“Hello there, you.”
It’s usually some friend you haven’t seen since the break up. You didn’t sign up for this level of awkwardness.
8. Get self conscious about your outfit choice
If only I’d known they would be here, you’ll say.
“So glad I wore this bright orange outfit tonight.”
9. Try to force a conversation about a mutual friend
“Ah yeah, he’s a gas character. Sure might see you out for his birthday in six months?”
Please, end this.
10. Awkwardly half hug them goodbye
The small talk has come to an end and you have to wrap this debacle up.
“Chat soon, yeah?”
11. Make it look like you’re having the time of your life
Yes, yes, you don’t care. But you keep that smile on your face until a good while after, and then you can die from awkwardness in a socially safe area.
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