THE FIFTY SHADES of Grey movie comes out on Valentine’s weekend. But the cast and director have been doing interviews, and they’ve been talking about what’s in the movie… and what isn’t.

So we’ve rounded it up into this handy guide to exactly how much smut you can expect for your tenner-plus-popcorn.

What you will see

Jamie Dornan’s sex face. The actor has talked about how difficult he found it to reveal his, um, most personal expression. “For all the reasons anyone would think, most people would like to keep their sex face private,” he said. “The idea of a million people seeing that!” 

Twenty full, unmitigated minutes of filth. According to reports at the weekend, a full 20 minutes of the movie’s 100-minute running time is made up of sex scenes. Or to put it another way, one minute in every five is going to be smut. Is it worth it? You decide.

Some of it ‘hardcore’. Says director Sam Taylor-Johnson: “Yes, the film is hardcore in places, there’s dominance in places.” So now.

Dakota Johnson naked in a string bag. There’s apparently a scene in which Johnson “descends naked from the ceiling, in a sort of string bag made of rope… like a dead turkey”. Ew.

A good bitta whipping. Jamie Dornan has talked about how difficult he found it to use the whip, and apparently there were a few injuries on the set. “I think there was a bit of rope burn,” Taylor-Johnson told Variety. “I’d have to remind Jamie to hold back with the crop.”

Sex toys up the wazoo. So to speak. According to the British Board of Film Classification, the film “contains strong sex and nudity, along with the portrayal of erotic role play based on domination, submission and sado-masochistic practices. There are also strong verbal references to such practices and the instruments used.”

What you won’t see

THAT tampon scene. The Tampon Scene was one of the most talked-about passages (ahem) of the book. But it didn’t make it to the film. “It was never even discussed,” Sam Taylor-Johnson has said.

For anyone who hasn’t read the book, the tampon scene involves Christian Grey pulling out Anastasia’s tampon and chucking it in the toilet. Then they have sex, obviously.

Jamie Dornan’s penis. The Dornan Organ was in fact literally banned from the movie, according to the man himself. “There were contracts in place that said that viewers wouldn’t be seeing my, um [...] my todger.”

Loads of full frontal naughty bits. In order for the film to gain an R rating in the US, it had to be under a certain threshold of filthiness. Says Taylor-Johnson: ”You can’t show full frontal… a certain amount of thrusts…”

Sexual jellyfish. One of the more surprising tidbits to emerge from promotional interviews is that Taylor-Johnson wanted to include a protracted scene of jellyfish, representing the state of Anastasia’s head. But she was forced to take them out.

“We went to this beautiful aquarium and there were these jellyfish,” she said. “They’re so sexual, jellyfish, when you look at them in tanks – just the way they move, the fluidity.” Grand so.

Giphy Giphy

More: Here’s what Jamie Dornan did with his willy during Fifty Shades of Grey>