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Dublin: 12 °C Monday 23 December, 2024

12 outstanding notes from neighbours complaining about loud sex

“Please keep down your sexual vocals!”

1. “She’s faking it.”

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2. Oh, shag off.

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3. Poor Nick.

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4. Or being told that you sound like you’re “expelling demons”

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5. You have to call ‘em like you see ‘em

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6. Meanwhile, this creepy endorsement would surely deter you from ever having sex again.

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Reverse psychology, anyone?

7. If you don’t like confrontation, let a friendly sex dinosaur do your work for you

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8. Or just add a passive aggressive love heart so they know how truly angry you are

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9. Or you could query whether the sex noises were cries of “misery or discomfort”

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10. BRB, adding “sexual voices” to everyday vernacular

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11. Sometimes a visual aid can help

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12. But when all else fails, you may just have to give them a taste of their own medicine…

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And nobody wants that.

*shudders*

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