IT’S THAT TIME of the year again.

Bouncy castles are mysteriously all booked up, parents are at the end of their tether, and tiny brides roam the streets, flush with cash.

Here are 15 signs you’re at an Irish First Communion.

1. There are white gloves/bags/veils littering the pews

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The girls had to have them in the shop, of course. HAD to.

2. Kids are doing their most angelic faces for the camera…

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Wouldye look! And their little hands together and all! Aren’t they LOVELY.

3. Only for the mask to slip in a matter of minutes

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Taunting younger siblings, abusing their parents, generally making life hard for everyone. Ah, children.

4. A child has fluffed their prayer/song

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And you can almost feel the sympathy radiating from the congregation.

5. You’ve witnessed a kid covertly checking cards for money

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Open card + slide card forward so the money doesn’t fall out = Profit.

6. Children are making a big show of saying their prayers

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Oh, you thought you could catch them out? Shame on you.

7. There’s a queue of families trying to get a picture on the altar

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If you go to a Communion and don’t get a picture on the altar, were you really there?

8. The communicant is sick of it all by 3pm

Parent: “Come over here and get in a picture with granny.”

Kid: 

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9. You have had several discussions about money

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Under the following headings:

1. The amount of money you got on your Communion Day (“And I was happy with it!”);
2. The amount of money this child has got (invariably far too much);
3. How much money was spent on the day (also far too much).

10. You have had several discussions about the merits of having the do in the house or not

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You’ve agreed with people who say it’s better to do it at home, and also with people who say it’s best to keep it outside the house.

Anything for a quiet life.

11. There is a bouncy castle

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And children will bounce on it, rain or shine.

12. A pristine white dress has been ruined

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On the bouncy castle, no doubt.

13. Dessert is pavlova or communion cake

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BAGSY THE CHALICE!

14. There is at least one balls to the wall, show-stopping tantrum

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Either the communicant REALLY cracks under pressure, or a younger sibling will start looking for attention.

15. And the party really starts after 8pm

The kids:

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The adults:

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