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CERTAIN THINGS IN Irish life have very specific rules.
Things like the Good Front Room (Where the only regular use is for welcoming relatives who are richer than you, and where a football must NEVER cross the threshold).
A new book of Irishology by Ronan Moore (with illustrations by Fuschia MacAree) sums up so many of these things. In its own words it sums up “slagging, Junior C football, wet rain and everything else we love about Ireland”.
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Including the humble rules of the biscuit tin:
1. The first rule of biscuit tins is that you do not go down to the bottom layer of biscuit tins until the mother says it’s okay to do so.
2. The second rule of biscuit tins is that you DO NOT GO DOWN to the bottom layer of biscuit tins until the mother says it’s okay to do so.
3. The third rule of biscuit tins is that you can’t take more than more than two biscuits at a time and no two should be of the same of biscuit.
4. The fourth rule of biscuit tins is that the pink wafer ones hold special status. This is partly due to the fact that they used to be used as a form of currency and partly because a hundred years ago people gave up their lives so that we can have the pink wafer ones.
7. The seventh rule of biscuit tins is that in the same way certain families are divided by civil war politics, families are also divided between those that like bourbon creams and those that don’t.
8. The eighth rule of biscuit tins is that there is always one biscuit that no one really likes, no matter what county you’re from. (We’re looking at you, only-good for-dipping-in-tea biscuit.) It is only in the box due to some sort of ‘affirmative action’ for biscuits and everyone should take a turn eating at least one.
9. The ninth rule of biscuit tins is never before dinner or there will be absolutely no jelly and ice-cream for you!
Monday 23 December, 2024
Monday 23 December, 2024
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The 10 Rules of the Irish Biscuit Tin
CERTAIN THINGS IN Irish life have very specific rules.
Things like the Good Front Room (Where the only regular use is for welcoming relatives who are richer than you, and where a football must NEVER cross the threshold).
Or like when you meet somebody Irish for the first time.
Irish Person 1: ‘Where are you from?’
Irish Person 2: ‘Trim.’
IP1: ‘Do you know Patrick Murphy?’
IP2: ‘I don’t think so. Does he play football?’
IP1: ‘No. He used to live in Navan.’
IP2: ‘No, I wouldn’t know many over that side.’
A new book of Irishology by Ronan Moore (with illustrations by Fuschia MacAree) sums up so many of these things. In its own words it sums up “slagging, Junior C football, wet rain and everything else we love about Ireland”.
Including the humble rules of the biscuit tin:
1. The first rule of biscuit tins is that you do not go down to the bottom layer of biscuit tins until the mother says it’s okay to do so.
2. The second rule of biscuit tins is that you DO NOT GO DOWN to the bottom layer of biscuit tins until the mother says it’s okay to do so.
3. The third rule of biscuit tins is that you can’t take more than more than two biscuits at a time and no two should be of the same of biscuit.
4. The fourth rule of biscuit tins is that the pink wafer ones hold special status. This is partly due to the fact that they used to be used as a form of currency and partly because a hundred years ago people gave up their lives so that we can have the pink wafer ones.
(Or was that for freedom?)
5. The fifth rule of biscuit tins is never, ever leave the lid open.
6. The sixth rule of biscuit tins is that the mother always has first dibs on the ones with jam in them.
7. The seventh rule of biscuit tins is that in the same way certain families are divided by civil war politics, families are also divided between those that like bourbon creams and those that don’t.
8. The eighth rule of biscuit tins is that there is always one biscuit that no one really likes, no matter what county you’re from. (We’re looking at you, only-good for-dipping-in-tea biscuit.) It is only in the box due to some sort of ‘affirmative action’ for biscuits and everyone should take a turn eating at least one.
9. The ninth rule of biscuit tins is never before dinner or there will be absolutely no jelly and ice-cream for you!
10. The tenth and final rule of Christmas biscuit tins is that you will be sick of them by St Stephen’s Day.
From Irishology by Ronan Moore (Gill & Macmillan)
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