YOU ARE NOT alone, we promise.
At least half of the country is probably suffering from some form of January-based anxiety, or ‘Janxiety’ to give it its technical term.
The main symptoms…
Tiredness like you have never felt before
All those “sure just one more pint” nights in December, all those “sure I’ll just stay up until 4am and watch Hot Shots Part Deux for the 7th time” nights over Christmas, that one time you stayed up all night at Electric Picnic in 2007… they’re all coming back to haunt you and the tiredness of the world is upon you.
Money woes
You’ve sent a sad message about your UPC bill increase to your mam or dad in the hope they might slip you a tenner for petrol next time you’re home.
You’re stressed about not having enough lunchboxes
You’ve made 14 days worth of butternut squash soup. Where are you going to store it all?
You’re stressed about your soup not being good enough
What about that annoying shrew beside you in work who bounded in this morning with a kale and manure smoothie, a gym bag and a “new year, new you” screensaver on her phone? Burn the witch.
You’ve bookmarked 17 different detoxes, cleanses and juice diets
Maybe the witch has the right idea. You’ll start tomorrow. Promise.
Overwhelming nostalgia for The Christmas
If you had known Janxiety was going to hit so hard you wouldn’t have spent three days in your pyjamas eating Chocolate Kimberleys complaining about crap cracker toys and the fact that Roses have “gone to shite”.
You would have climbed a mountain, cooked a delicious meal, seen that friend you’ve been saying “we must meet up over Christmas” to for four years now.
Christmas 2015 is so far away.
This fills you with an almost unbearable sadness
You’d even take a Coffee Escape at this stage.
General feeling of malaise
You’ve bought a box of Lemsip because you have a scratchy throat, which everyone knows is the first sign of the cold of doom.
Cruelly, you almost certainly won’t be sick enough to take any time off work. Weep.
Crippling Visa Debit Fear
How long until pay day? HOW LONG?
BUT WAIT!
All is not lost. Soon Janxiety will pass and you’ll have your first Creme Egg and Spring will spring and you’ll realise that butternut squash soup is not the answer to everything.
Here, look at this lamb…
https://vine.co/v/Mlriw1VJeDn
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