NEARLY ONE YEAR ago, Katy O’Brien was taken captive in Fair City by Ciaran.
To illustrate how long this plotline has been trundling along, let’s analyse some of the news Katy’s family will have to reveal to her once she (eventually) breaks free:
1. Donald Trump is now President of the USA Katy, and nothing has been the same since
Surprised? This is only the start.
2. Remember that Brexit referendum everyone was talking about early last year? They had the vote in June. And these lads won
3. Meaning the UK is well on its way out of the EU, Cameron resigned on the morning of the result, Theresa May is now Prime Minister, things are getting a little dodgy and you probably wish you’re still in the room right now?
Maybe not.
4. The day *before* the Brexit vote happened – and long before the host of The Apprentice took over the US nuclear codes – we had a very good day: Robbie Brady banged in a header in the 85th minute against Italy in the Euros, winning the match 1-0 for Ireland and taking us into the next round
There were scenes, Katy:
We’re not going to lie, you missed out on some serious craic that week. It had it all.
We got knocked out in the next round, but sure look.
5. You won’t be surprised to hear that we didn’t make it to the final of the Eurovision this year
Probably the least shocking thing you’ll encounter here.
A comfort, almost.
6. While you look up the song that failed us, you might want to Google this combination of words from last summer
7. A game called Pokémon Go took over Ireland (and the world) last July. Nobody really plays it any more except for the hardcore fans, so it’s probably not worth downloading. This is what it looked like:
8. Elsewhere in Ireland, things are ticking along nicely
9. Enda Kenny has stepped down as Taoiseach, so your new glorious leader will be one of these two
10. Michael D is still President though, and it makes us all feel like everything just might work out OK in the end. Here he is chatting to a man with a budgie on his shoulder while out for a walk in Galway
OK, now for the hard part. Brace yourself Katy.
The following legends have died since you got locked up:
11. You probably already knew about Bowie and Prince, but George Michael passed away over the Christmas period
12. As well as Star Wars legend Carrie Fisher
13. In some better news, last summer was serious craic because we actually won some Olympic medals. The O’Donovan Brothers from Cork took home a rowing silver and gave interviews like this after every race
14. Annalise Murphy also got a silver in the sailing
15. And even though Thomas Barr didn’t snatch a medal on the track, he won the nation’s heart in the process. Look at him there:
16. It’s been a manic year (sure we don’t need to tell you that). What else happened? Well, Brad and Angelina broke up
17. There wasn’t *really* a song of the summer last year, but these three would have the best claims to the crown
Bangers, in fairness.
18. You should Google “cash me outside” just for the craic
19. And “Joe Biden memes” too
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Now, that’s a lot to digest – you’ve been gone a long, long time.
Luckily, you’re a fictional character so you should be able to take all of the most shocking news events listed here in your stride.
We’ll do better in Eurovision next year, hopefully – and you might even be out by then to enjoy it.
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