1. You wonder whether people will notice that you have worn the same suit/tie combination to the last two weddings
It’s a nice tie and an equally nice suit – and the colours are nothing fancy so the fact that it’s been worn before should go undetected.
2. The pressure on you to have your top button done the whole way through the ceremony makes the event seriously uncomfortable
Pros: it looks better.
Cons: it’s cutting off precious oxygen at an incredibly boring time.
3. Discussions start early as to whether there will be a free bar at the reception
A group of worried-looking lads outside the church in deep discussion over the nature of the prices at the reception. Somebody has started a rumour that it’s a free bar all night and excitement couldn’t be higher.
4. One slick f**ker will wear a waistcoat with his suit and every other guy will think “I should have worn one too”
Waistcoat envy.
5. If there’s an important match on, there will be detailed discussions on how to get it on the telly
You: “There’s no harm in having the TV at the bar on for the match.”
Everyone else: “Stop.”
6. You subtly slip off the top button the minute you’re seated
Sure nobody will be looking.
7. You’re then on constant look out to see when the first guy has taken off his jacket
Like a hawk.
If one does it, you can all do it.
8. And then you can embrace the glorious freedom a jacket-less dinner offers
9. You’ll probably have first hand knowledge of the best man’s gas anecdote ripping into the groom
You were either there or heard the story a million times.
You’ll let everyone at your table know by either laughing a little too obviously or sagely nodding. It’s a privilege to be in the inner circle.
10. By the time the band has started, you’ll have the sleeves rolled up and the tie will be barely hanging around the neck
11. You promise yourself that you’re not going to do the tie-around-the-head dance as well
12. But you still end up pulling off some mortifying dance moves with a group of people at your table
It’s the DJ’s fault for playing AC/DC, to be fair.
13. And finally… you have to pretend that you know the words to an old folk song at the afters to impress the auld lads
The auld lads will surely judge you if you haven’t a breeze. You can handle Caledonia alright, but you’ll just be humming along to the other obscure numbers they throw out there.
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