MORRISSEY, THE FAMOUSLY droll and difficult former Smiths frontman has finally published his autobiography.

It tells tales of his childhood, his time with The Smiths and the ensuing troubles, court cases and feuds, his loves and losses, and his days spent in Ireland.

The book’s already received a five star review from The Telegraph, while The Guardian calls it “nearly a triumph” and the Irish Times describes it as “well-written, with his wry and arch sense of humour much in display”.

Well-written it may be, but can you tell the real musings of Mozza from our made up fake quotes?

Real or fake?

Months and months pass without rain. A local cat is a non-stop hunter, and I spend most of my time rescuing damaged birds that will never fly again.

Answer

Real or fake?

A few months later I am at my mother’s house when the telephone rings. My mother hands me the 1940s shellac antique. “It’s for you, it’s David Bowie”.

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Real or fake?

Liam Gallagher lolloped across the room towards me. What an insufferable cretin. I thought more than once about gobbing in his drink.

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Real or fake?

Eric Cantona takes his place in the hotel restaurant for the catch of the day, which is evidently not me.

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Real or fake?

The stench of the meat juices filled the air and all around me people went about their tasks, immune to the bile the experience raised in me. Meat. Murder.

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Real or fake?

There is a new meaning to everything as Roxy Music inexplicably jump to number 4 with their new single, a pursed-mouth whirl of low noise and words used for sound value only.

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Real or fake?

Tom Jones didn’t seem to know who I was. I was okay with that. The mere thought of indulging his faux LA-tinged Welsh dirge was exhausting.

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Real or fake?

Exactly where the sun has come from and how it ends up in Dublin is an environmental mystery.

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Real or fake?

Irish audiences are… puce.

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Real or fake?

Naturally my birth almost kills my mother, for my head is too big.

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Well, how did you do?

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