David Wardle / Press Association David Wardle / Press Association / Press Association

EVERYONE’S FAVOURITE CURMUDGEON Noel Gallagher was interviewed in Rolling Stone this month, and boy does he have something to say.

The magazine wanted to pick his brain on the state of music today and in typical Noel Gallagher fashion, he doesn’t like any of it – he hasn’t heard of Lady Gaga since her first album, Adele’s “for f**king grannies” and Blurred Lines got annoying after the “five millionth time” he heard it. You and everyone else, mate.

You can read the whole interview here, but we picked out some of the best bits, just for you.

Not even Noel Gallagher can just call up David Bowie:

Me, talk to David Bowie? F**king hell, no. I’ve met him a couple of times down the years. But why would I get a chance to talk to David Bowie? Just, like, call him up?

But he might try to get him to appear on his new album:

I hope to do some recording in New York, because I’ve never done it before, and maybe on the off chance I might bump into David Bowie somewhere on the street, and get him to come down to the studio, dressed as an elf, and do a little mime while I’m putting an acoustic guitar track.

He says young artists should try to be good musicians instead of just courting controversy:

I could go to the Rolling Stone office and f**king sh** on top of a boiled egg, right? And people would go, “Wow, f**king hell, that’s outrageous!” But is it any good? No, because, essentially, it’s just a sh** on top of a boiled egg.

He thinks Arcade Fire’s double album is stupid:

Who has the f**king time, in 2013, to sit through 45 minutes of a single album? How arrogant are these people to think that you’ve got an hour and a half to listen to a f**king record?

He also thinks their costumes are stupid:

Do you know what the point of that is? That is to take away from the sh** disco that’s coming out of the speakers. Because everybody’s dressed as one of the Three Musketeers on acid. “What was the gig like?” “I don’t know, everyone was dressed as a teddy bear in the Seventies.”

He doesn’t seem to like Arcade Fire at all, to be honest:

Interviewer: You know Bowie sings backup on one of Arcade Fire’s new songs, right?

Noel: Oh, that’s a shame.

He’s thinking of changing the name of the band:

I don’t know if I’m going to keep that name or not. Probably will, it’s such a fucking good name. I might change the Noel Gallagher bit – call it “Paul McCartney’s High Flying Birds” and see if I sell any more tickets in America.

In case you were wondering, throughout the interview he says variants of the word “f**k” 31 times. You’re welcome.

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