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Activities for rest of year: Staring silently at his computer with headphones on; going for lunch on his own; avoiding your eyes in the kitchen.
Activities after three glasses of cheap Merlot: Knowing all the words to Tragedy by Steps; rapping Hammertime no matter what song is playing; ‘breakdancing’.
They’ve been under a lot of stress. They don’t get to let off steam much. And yes, that’s why they’re on their knees on the dancefloor yelling the words to Fairytale Of New York at a group of terrified interns.
That person who’s been harbouring desires for the nice girl/guy in Accounts all year, but hasn’t managed to pluck up the courage to do anything about it.
Around the fourth Jagerbomb is when they’ll usually decide to give it a proper lash. And when they go, they go.
Avoid this person at all costs. Once you start talking to them it will be impossible to get away until you’ve been hearing about their children/DIY problems/unusual musical instrument collection for two hours and are considering feigning a stroke to escape.
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Judging by the glimpses you can catch to the left and right of this person’s head, everyone else is having a good time.
For the rest of the year, this person makes your existence a living hell. But as soon as the first glass of Sauvignon Blanc touches their lips, they suddenly want to be your best friend EVER.
Warning signs for men include: addressing you as “buddy”, referring in a jocular way to “Women, eh?” and telling off-colour jokes about your superiors. For women: awkward attempts at ‘bonding’ over hair and outfits, oversharing about “him at home”.
Hugs/a comradely arm around the shoulders may also feature.
No festive occasion passes without this person getting into a tearful argument/telling someone in no uncertain terms how they REALLY feel/being so devastated by something a co-worker said. It just wouldn’t be Christmas without it.
You’ve hardly got your dinner finished before this person is up at the bar demanding an enormous tray of shots “for the craic”. And it won’t stop there. Oh no. Not until you’ve spilled Sambuca all down your shirt and can hear your shoes sticking to the floor.
The key thing about the Stocious Drunk isn’t that they’re unbelievably drunk. It’s that they’re way more drunk than anyone else. Every single office party has someone who mysteriously gets off their face while everyone else is still deciding on beef or chicken.
Don’t let it be you, because the next day you will wake up with the worst fear of your entire life. The worst.
Wednesday 25 December, 2024
Wednesday 25 December, 2024
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The 8 types of people you'll meet at the work Christmas party
IT’S PARTY SEASON. And some strange creatures are roaming the streets.
You may spot the following exotic species:
1. The Surprise Party Animal
Activities for rest of year: Staring silently at his computer with headphones on; going for lunch on his own; avoiding your eyes in the kitchen.
Activities after three glasses of cheap Merlot: Knowing all the words to Tragedy by Steps; rapping Hammertime no matter what song is playing; ‘breakdancing’.
2. The Drunk Boss
They’ve been under a lot of stress. They don’t get to let off steam much. And yes, that’s why they’re on their knees on the dancefloor yelling the words to Fairytale Of New York at a group of terrified interns.
3. The Desperate Chat-Up Artist
That person who’s been harbouring desires for the nice girl/guy in Accounts all year, but hasn’t managed to pluck up the courage to do anything about it.
Around the fourth Jagerbomb is when they’ll usually decide to give it a proper lash. And when they go, they go.
4. The Corner Trapper
Avoid this person at all costs. Once you start talking to them it will be impossible to get away until you’ve been hearing about their children/DIY problems/unusual musical instrument collection for two hours and are considering feigning a stroke to escape.
Judging by the glimpses you can catch to the left and right of this person’s head, everyone else is having a good time.
5. The Middle Manager/Best Pal
For the rest of the year, this person makes your existence a living hell. But as soon as the first glass of Sauvignon Blanc touches their lips, they suddenly want to be your best friend EVER.
Warning signs for men include: addressing you as “buddy”, referring in a jocular way to “Women, eh?” and telling off-colour jokes about your superiors. For women: awkward attempts at ‘bonding’ over hair and outfits, oversharing about “him at home”.
Hugs/a comradely arm around the shoulders may also feature.
6. The Drama King Or Queen
No festive occasion passes without this person getting into a tearful argument/telling someone in no uncertain terms how they REALLY feel/being so devastated by something a co-worker said. It just wouldn’t be Christmas without it.
7. The Shots Fascist
You’ve hardly got your dinner finished before this person is up at the bar demanding an enormous tray of shots “for the craic”. And it won’t stop there. Oh no. Not until you’ve spilled Sambuca all down your shirt and can hear your shoes sticking to the floor.
8. The Stocious Drunk
The key thing about the Stocious Drunk isn’t that they’re unbelievably drunk. It’s that they’re way more drunk than anyone else. Every single office party has someone who mysteriously gets off their face while everyone else is still deciding on beef or chicken.
Don’t let it be you, because the next day you will wake up with the worst fear of your entire life. The worst.
Happy Christmas party season, everybody!
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