"This is hell." "I know."
Image: Press Association
ALL EYES ARE on the women at the Oscars.
The frocks, the glamour, the Mani-Cam. The people who looked like runny tarmac on a hot day.
Meanwhile, Hollywood’s men – save for the occasional bearded Adonis – slip by almost unnoticed.
But we have gained exclusive access to the inner minds of Hollywood’s finest males. Here’s what they were thinking while Jennifer Lawrence was stealing their spotlight:
Tommy 'Goddamn, I Think I Left The Immersion On' Lee Jones
Robert 'Desperate For A Whiz, All Those Capri-Suns Were A Bad Idea' De Niro
Liev 'This Will All Be Over Soon Enough' Schreiber
Richard 'Remember When I Smooched Julia Roberts? Man, What A Rush' Gere
Gael 'I Thought This Was A Thunderbirds Theme Night' Garcia Bernal
Jeremy 'Do I Look Nice? Does My Appearance Please You?' Renner
Paul 'I Wish Owen Wilson Was Here' Rudd
Mark 'Yes, My Wife's Name Is Sunrise, And Your Point Is?' Ruffalo
Quentin 'See This, Mother? I Haven't Buttoned My Shirt' Tarantino
Don 'If My Wife Is Rolling Her Eyes Again, There'll Be Trouble' Johnson
Chris 'Did You See My Watch? This Is My Watch' Tucker
Alan 'I'm Adorable' Arkin
Bradley 'One More Crack About My Mother's Runners And I'll Snap' Cooper
Michael 'I'm Getting Photobombed, Amn't I?' Douglas
Eddie 'No, These Aren't Slippers, And They Were Very Expensive' Redmayne
Daniel 'Make Sure This Stubble Shows Up On Camera, Or You'll Never Work In This Town Again' Radcliffe
George 'Do I Look Short? Wait, Am I Short?' Clooney
Channing 'Will There Be Salami At Dinner?' Tatum
All images EMPICS Entertainment/Press Association
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