MEETING YOUR SIGNIFICANT other’s parents for the first time should be a joyous union celebrating your shared love for a person and the craic you will have for years to come.
But why does it never feel like that? It feels more like this:
1. The absolute panic over what you are going to wear
Suddenly every piece of clothing means SOMETHING.
2. Acting ridiculously nice when you first meet them
You will find yourself beaming with a smile that implies creepy friendliness and a desire to be liked.
3. Getting a random present for them even though it’s not really an occasion
It’s nobody’s birthday and it’s not Christmas. This present signifies that you are meeting two people for the first time today. It will often be a candle or something equally mundane.
4. Second-guessing what they are in to
The basic goal here is not to criticise something they love.
“Those Garth Brooks concerts last year, then?”
*guages reaction*
5. Not being able to remember obscure facts about yourself
“No, I don’t happen to know how many acres my Uncle’s farm is, but I will check that for you.”
6. Complimenting everything you see
Things you don’t care about and never will are suddenly of interest to you.
“That is a beautiful lampshade you have there. Excellent choice.”
7. Panicking when you’re all watching anything on TV
*please no sex scenes, please no sex scenes, please no sex scenes, please no sex scenes*
It’s like watching something with your own parents except 1024% worse.
8. Bringing out your best small talk when alone with them for the first time
“The weather really has surprised us all this month. And the national sporting squadron has also been doing very well.”
9. Brothers and sisters are friendly allies if you have met them before
10. And unknown quantities if you haven’t
11. The sleeping arrangements might be awkward for some
Yes, you can sleep in there but don’t kid yourself into thinking it’s not seriously awkward.
12. You eat and drink anything that comes your way, even if you don’t like it
Usually you would be all like, “I’m not a fan of scotch eggs” but now it’s more like, “oooh, yes, scotch eggs. My favourite.”
13. You ask more questions than you have ever asked in your life
“Where did you get the carpet in here? It’s lovely.”
14. The overriding emotion that you are not coming across well won’t leave you
You’re doing everything right – except maybe you’re laughing a little too hard at jokes that just aren’t funny.
Keep it together.
15. Still, bonding can take hours of effort
You might need to take some alone time and work on your strategy.
16. Finally, the ecstatic relief when the experience is over
“It can only get better from here, surely?”
Whilst you conduct a thorough analysis in your head of what went right and what went wrong on the drive home.
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