REMEMBER LAST YEAR when pumpkin spice latte mania took over? Remember the pumpkin spice latte memes? And the fake pumpkin spice condoms?
Oh God, it was exhausting.
Well, we’re sorry to report that it’s that time of year again.
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To recap: a pumpkin spice latte is a drink available in Starbucks during the autumn months. In recent years, it has come to symbolise autumn for Americans and inspired borderline hysterical headlines like this.
But it doesn’t look to just be an American phenomenon anymore.
Yes, my friends, it looks like there are efforts underway to make it a thing here in Ireland.
This week, Starbucks heralded the arrival of the almighty pumpkin spice latte in its Leeson Street branch. They even released special autumn cups to mark the occasion.
As if that weren’t enough, Insomnia has ripped off the drink with something called a “Pumpkin Pie Latte”. (LOL, OK.)
Which is why it needs to be stopped.
For one thing, it’s not even that nice
In fact, there are numerous reports of it tasting like soap.
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And not tasting like coffee.
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It’s also expensive as hell.
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Did we mention its reprehensible Twitter account?
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Yes, the Pumpkin Spice Latte has its own Twitter account.
Don’t condone this kind of behaviour.
Also, what evenis pumpkin spice?
Nonsense. That’s what.
No, but seriously, do you want to live in a world where we’re bombarded with pumpkin spice everything?
Or a world where Taylor Swift brings one on stage with her?
“PLEASE WELCOME TO THE STAGE… A PUMPKIN SPICE LATTE!”
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Also, sorry, but pumpkin-based hot drinks denote one thing and one thing only: NOTIONS
Your granny would be disgusted if she heard you were spending money on “pumpkin spice lattes”.
And pumpkin isn’t enough of thing in Ireland.
Rhubarb spice lattes — maybe.
Pumpkin? Back to America with you.
In conclusion, the pumpkin spice latte is evil and needs to be stopped.
Will you play your part?
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