THE NEW INSTALMENT of the insanely successful 50 Shades of Grey book series is out today.

Entitled simply Grey, the book is told from the point of view of the male protagonist, Christian.

But we know what you’re all wondering. How filthy is it? Never one to let our readers down, we here in TheJournal.ie newsroom took on the onerous task of reading it and found the smuttiest bits that we possibly could.

*WARNING: CONTAINS FILTH*

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The book is laid out as a diary, so we all took different dates and present the smut without plot or context. Because there isn’t any, anyway.

Paul Hosford – Sunday May 22, 2011 (Page 126)

I thrust into her again and again, watching my cock disappear and reappear from her mouth. It’s beyond erotic. I’m so close. Suddenly she bares her teeth, gently squeezing me, and I’m undone, ejaculating into the back of her throat, crying out my pleasure.

Sinéad O’Carroll – 1 June 2011 (Page 419) 

“When did you start your period, Anastasia?” I want to fuck you without a condom. “Yesterday,” she breathes. “Good.” I step back and spin her around. “Hold onto the sink,” I command. Grasping her hips, I left her and pull her backward so she’s bent over. My hand glides down her ass to the blue string, and I tug out the tampon, which I toss in the toilet. She gasps, shocked, I think, but I grab my cock and slide into her quickly… I pick up speed, and I grasp her hips, building… building, then hammering into her. Claiming her. Possessing her… “That’s right, baby,” I murmur, my voice hoarse as I pound into her with a punishing I-own-you rhythm.”

(Editor’s note: This is not good sex education – you can get both pregnant and/or an STD during your period. Just saying, Grey.)

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Peter Bodkin – 30 May 2011 (Page 349)

With my finger I circle inside her once more, then withdraw and remove the balls from my mouth. Gently, I insert the first ball into her, then the second, leaving the tag outside, draped against her clitoris. I kiss her bare ass and slide her panties back into place … ‘How does that feel?’ I ask. ‘Strange.’ ‘Strange good or strange bad?’ ‘Strange good,’ she answers.”

Nicky Ryan – 27 May 2011 (Page 276)

Kavanagh says he wants to upgrade his media network to high-speed fiber-optic connections. GEH can do it for them – but are they serious about buying in? It’s a big investment up front, but a great payoff down the line.”

“Damn right. Only me!” Her words are a siren’s call to my libido. Losing all self-restraint, I sweep everything off my desk, sending my papers, phone, and pens all clattering or floating to the floor, but I don’t give a damn. I lift Ana and lay her across my desk so her hair spills over the edge and onto the seat of my chair.

“You want it, you got it, baby,” I growl, shipping out the condom and unzipping my pants. Making quick work of covering my cock, I stare down at the insatiable Miss Steele. “I sure hope you’re ready,” I warn her, grabbing hold of her wrists and keeping them at her sides. With one swift move I’m inside her.

“Ah… Christ, Ana. You’re so ready.”

Órla Ryan – 3 June 2011 (Page 477)

She grasps when I grab her hips and kiss the sweet junction beneath her pubic hair. Moving my hands to the back of her thighs I part her legs, exposing her clitoris to my tongue. When I start my sensual assault her fingers dive into my hair. My tongue torments her, and she moans and tips her head back against the wall.She smells exquisite. She tastes better. As she purrs she tilts her pelvis toward my invading, insistent tongue, and her legs begin to tremble.

Enough. I want to come inside her.