IT’S THE WEEKEND, time to party.

Whether it’s a house gathering, or around to someone’s for a few prinks–we’ve all been to enough to know a good party from a really bad one.

Here are a few signs the night isn’t going to be one to remember.

1. Everyone’s on their phone

2. You have to take your shoes off before you go in

3. It's so scant, you can hear conversations going on in the kitchen and you're in the front garden

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4. The drink selection is poor

"Nooo," they said, "no need to bring any drink with you, come along, it'll all be provided".

Value vodka and cartons of wine are on the menu.

When that runs out extremely quickly, it's on to the ornamental bottle of ouzo and whatever else is lying in the back of their drinks cupboard. Whatever, you're classy.

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5. The food is bad

Anything other than vodka jelly babies and crisps is overcompensating.

What's worse, is when the selection is perfectly good but ruined by double dippers or the dreaded mixing of sweets. Use separate bowls, come on now.

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6. The rager you were promised turns out to just be a 'get together'

No one turned up so the host does a 180 and claims it was only meant to be you and her 6 cousins.

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7. There's a guy playing an acoustic guitar

No we don't really want to hear Galway Girl again.

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8. Or worse, a DJ playing obscure techno or ambient that sounds like the wind

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9. The television is on and people are actually watching it

10. There's a parent upstairs

You know they're listening. Just listening.

11. Conversation is somewhat, lacking

Once you've exhausted 'discussing people we both know', the dreaded question comes; "Tell me about your interests..."

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12. Somebody's crying already and it's not even 9pm

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13. Someone is cleaning up around you

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14. There is scheduled 'entertainment'

The utter horror.

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15. The ratio of men to women is all off

Exceptions: hen and stag parties.

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16. It ends at single digits

You check your bus timetable to catch the last one, even though you were expecting to get the first one home in the morning.

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