FEELING THE STING of rejection? Itching to get even with an ex?

The San Francisco Zoo is offering the burned and spurned masses the chance to ‘adopt’ a hissing cockroach or giant scorpion in honour of their special ex-someone for Valentine’s Day.

The zoo is highlighting two of its less-desirable inhabitants through its adopt-an-animal program, which is usually used to raise money for the care of more cuddly or attractive creatures, such as penguins, lions and pandas.

The zoo compares the creepy characteristics of Madagascar hissing cockroaches and giant hairy scorpions to your awful ex:

These invertebrates are aggressive, active, and alarmingly nocturnal. Much like your low-life ex, they are usually found in and around low-elevation valleys where they dig elaborate burrows or ‘caves’.

Also just like you-know-who, when a suitable victim wanders by, the scorpion grabs the doomed creature with its pinchers and stings the prey… Charming.

For $50 and up, donors can adopt a scorpion and have the zoo send a certificate and stuffed stinger to the person who inspired the adoption. The cockroach Valentine that the zoo says represents “the detritus of your love life” costs $25. Says the zoo:

With a little luck, this generous donation will release your bad love life karma so that you never have to encounter a cockroach again.

Wonder if Dublin Zoo or Fota Wildlife Park would care to offer a similar product? We’re asking for a friend, obviously.

Seal and dog meet, immediately become best friends forever>

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