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IRELAND HAS COME to know and love the UK bargain mecca Dealz. That’s deals, with a ‘z’.

The cheap’n'cheerful retailer announced yesterday that it will open ten new stores in Ireland, in locations such as Dublin, Wexford, Dundalk and Cork.

Becoming an expert Dealz shopper takes time and patience, but the rewards are massive. So, people of towns about to receive Dealz into their lives – this is all ahead of you.

You’ve stopped being surprised at the weird stuff you can find

Kerry Katona workout DVDs, unauthorised Bono biographies, Vajazzling kits, blank VHS tapes and cassettes. Whatever, like.

But you’re still surprised that you actually BUY them

You actually get a thrill from purchasing a brand name product for €1.49

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Oooh! Take THAT, well-known teabag brand! And you, popular corn snack!

Your house appears to be well-equipped to withstand a zombie apocalypse

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Multipacks of bottled water. Multipacks of Burger Bites. Multipacks of Capri-Sun.

MULTIPACKS EVERYWHERE.

You can achieve a state of Zen-like calm in the checkout queue

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There will never be more than two members of staff on the tills. It has always been this way, it will always be this way.

Expert Dealz shoppers know you have to go with the flow, and bear the slings and arrows of the disgruntled folk behind you.

You have at least two Dealz products you swear by

The shampoo is just DIVINE. Facebook Facebook

And you recommend them to everyone. “Yeah, DEALZ! I know, right?”

But you know it cannot be relied upon

The jumble-sale assortment of products means you should probably not get attached to anything you buy there

Just like the summer, it will vanish before you truly get to enjoy it.

And as much as you love it, you know it has its faults

If only David. If only.

Previously: More Dealz for Ireland means 300 extra jobs for workers>