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Monday 23 December, 2024
Monday 23 December, 2024
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18 steps to being an Irish lady
EARLIER TODAY, COUNTRY Life published a (rather bonkers) guide to being a lady.
And so, we at DailyEdge.ie decided to create a guide especially for the Irish lady.
An Irish lady…
1. Eats cold pizza for breakfast
Like a boss.
2. Can open a bottle of a wine using any household implement
A scissors, a knife, a shoe — a true lady doesn’t need a corkscrew.
3. Can cope with any fake tan disaster that may arise
“This, too, shall pass…”
4. Will never acknowledge that her clothes are nice and will in fact proclaim they are “a bit of a state” even if they are literally Chanel
5. Always assures company that she’s “leaving the house right now” even if she’s technically still waiting for the water to get hot for a shower
6. Uses her handbag as a bin, and totes around receipts/dirty tissues/loose change/broken pens for months on end
7. Holds very strong opinions on which sauces are best and which sauces are rank
Furthermore, she isn’t afraid to debate you on what the best sauce for McDonald’s chicken nuggets is.
8. Clicks ‘attending’ on Facebook events she has no intention of ever going to
It’s called manners.
9. Accidentally plucks her eyebrows into different shapes by accident and remains stoic about it
“It’s fine. I’ll just get a fringe.”
10. Forges friendships with other girls in the toilet queue and frantically asks them, “WHAT LIPSTICK ARE YOU WEARING, IT’S FAB!!!”
11. Looks straight ahead and pretends to be unable to hear when a person on the street asks if they “have a minute to chat”
12. Learns to drive the ladylike way: by having your Dad roar at you as you drive in circles around an empty car park
“BRAKE!!!”
13. Excels at making every conversation a little bit awkward
14. Exercises no caution at all when washing bras/knickers/tights
A true lady just throws everything into the wash, regardless of colour and fabric, and keeps her fingers crossed.
15. Has perfected the art of smuggling naggins into gigs/festivals
16. Knows everything about you before they’ve even met you, thanks to diligent Facebook/Twitter/Instagram stalking
17. Knows all the words to a rap from a 90s song and performs it at every available opportunity
See: Rhythm Is A Dancer, Push It, Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Gangsta’s Paradise…
18. Has never looked into what she’s supposed to do about her pension and makes no apologies for it
Previously: This guide to ‘being a lady’ is absolutely preposterous >
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