HANDJOBS.
At one time in secondary school they were the pinnacle of sexual achievement for lads across the country.
But now we’re all adults they are way down the bottom of the list of things we should be doing.
Why? Well, every single thing you could be doing together is more enjoyable than a handjob
For both parties involved
EVERYONE is aware that handjobs are better than nothing
But we’re not comparing them to nothing here – we’re comparing them to other sexual stuff
And it’s in that context that handjobs are the worst
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We’re all adults now – we can ditch the handjobs
Only to be broken out in emergency circumstances
Because there’s no denying that they are arguably the most portable of loving acts
But take that one plus point away and you have an awkward stroking technique that has long since lost its appeal
The weight of public opinion is against handjobs
Their time has come and gone
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