IF YOU’VE EATEN too much Easter eggs, you can be sure of two things. You are not alone, and two, you probably have a massive chocolate hangover.
Check your symptoms, make the diagnosis.
1. You were this bird yesterday
2. This is your face this morning
You didn’t even wash it after you passed out in a food coma.
3. Look around you, is this the scene?
Are there egg wrappers everywhere?
Have you legit found a bit of chocolate mushed into your sofa or clothes?
4. Easter treats have now taken on a sinister quality
Why are they lining up like that?
Aw, look at the little chic–
5. Your mouth feels like this
TOO MUCH SUGAR.
6. You’re craving something salty or savoury
ANYTHING substantial.
It doesn’t have to be good for you, just let it NOT BE CHOCOLATE.
7. You’ve got otherworldly carb bloat
Oh my God now you’ve to make false promises to go to the gym until the bloat goes down and you don’t feel obliged to exercise any more.
Just avoid everyone for the day. Bed is a good option.
8. Fear manifests as guilt
The sugar comedown is in full effect. It’s like the post alcohol Fear only much, much worse. You’ll feel the usual harrowing sense of doom, all with the added bonus of horrific guilt of all that lard you’ve consumed.
Please. No more until Wednesday.
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