1. Passing things off to your mother
2. Relentlessly discussing the reception on the new telly
Or the camera on his new phone, or the amount of memory on his newest gadget. “Look at that! See how CLEAR that is?”
3. Disliking a particular TV presenter/news reader/sports pundit for no real reason
Just “I don’t like him.”
4. Getting extremely put out when asked to give a lift
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“Can you not walk? Can someone else give you a lift? Is there no bus? Where’s that bike we got you for Christmas in 1999? …No? FINE.”
5. Insisting on giving you driving lessons, then clinging to the oh-Jesus handle throughout
We appreciate that you feel it is your duty, but maybe you’d rather not?
6. Falling asleep in their armchair, then swearing blind that they weren’t asleep
“I WAS RESTING MY EYES.”
7. Asking if you’re “OK for a few bob”
You could be a high-flying investment banker, but your dad will always be looking out for you. <3
8. Hoarding old phone chargers/cables/battery packs
You never know when you might need them.
9. Sending one word responses to texts
10. But still leaving you long voice mails
Dads: Single-handedly keeping this mode of communication alive.
11. Commandeering the making of a fry
Even if your dad isn’t really a cook, by god he’ll be doing the sausages and rashers.
12. Changing the channel during sex scenes on the telly
13. And making a complete show of you whenever possible
The dancing. The jokes. The sheer determination to embarrass you in front of your other half. It’s almost as if they enjoy it?
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