PLEASE. THESE THINGS are not odd, just essential.

1. Thanking the bus driver is not optional

Stop opening the back doors to let us off, it’s not OK.

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2. Praying to saint Anthony to find something is far more effective than actually looking for it

Apply the same logic to studying for an exam, healing all ailments with actual medicine etc.

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3. Not drinking tea is absolutely unacceptable when offered

Don’t make it weird.

4. Thinking you may have left the immersion on is a perfectly valid excuse to leave any social occasion with no notice

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5. Leaving a party without saying goodbye is just easier, we’re not being rude

OR DRUNK, despite popular belief.

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6. Please be considerate of what towel you use in the bathroom, the good one is only there for show

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7. Trust us, it’ll make you feel better

8. That yoke, your man, and down the ‘little road’ are perfectly reasonable descriptions

Don’t ask us to elaborate. You’re not ready.

9. The weather is always the same but we like to chat about it anyway

Keep hope alive, it’s all we’ve got.

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10. We might be up for a few pints but we’re not going ‘out’ out, learn the difference

Out.

Out out.

11. If you’re not drinking, you’d better be prepared to explain yourself

You won’t be given the benefit of the doubt.

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12. If you hang up on the first goodbye, you’re dead to us

Bye bye bu bye bye buuuba bye.

13. Don’t wave around a wooden spoon when you’re baking, it makes us nervous.

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