GATHER ROUND, fellas. It’s time for a very important Sex Ed lesson. The kind they don’t bother teaching you in school.
Whether you’re looking for a one-night-stand or in a long-term relationship, every man needs to understand a few key things about women and sex.
1. First off – a lot of women just can’t climax through intercourse alone
So don’t get huffy if it doesn’t happen. It seriously has nothing to do with you!
These women also don’t need your sympathy. They need you to do some WORK, if you know what we mean.
2. There’s no need to be self-conscious about your size
It’s the motion in the ocean. Remember this.
3. Women have hair, they sweat, and they make smells
We’ll apologise for not shaving our legs, but secretly we do not care at all. *shrugs*
4. They want sex just as much as men do
The idea that sex is something men want and women just put up with is old-fashioned and just plain silly. Of course we like sex. It’s fun.
5. But it can be hard to switch off at times
Men seem to be able to completely pack all of the worries of the day away when it’s time for sex. Good on ye!
Some of us are not so great at that, so please be patient while we make like Britney and get In The Zone.
6. And ‘no’ is definitely no
We’ll just go through this again: consent = good.
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7. The clitoris is a sensitive thing
Don’t do this:
Unless you’re instructed to do so, of course. Accept direction.
8. Do NOT push our heads during a blowjob
Again, it’s a myth that every woman hates giving blowjobs. We just don’t like you patting us on the head like a dog during them.
9. Saying you ‘don’t do’ oral sex is laughable
It goes both ways! Be sound.
10. “I don’t like the feeling of condoms” is not an excuse
Let’s all take a leaf from this girl’s book:
“Condoms are gross; they’re messy, I hate them.”
“So are babies.”
11. Ask us if you’re not sure something’s working
If you’re afraid you’re not doing something right, make yourself heard. It doesn’t ruin the mood. We promise.
12. And if you want to try something new…
(Yes, we’re using two pictures of Samantha Jones from Sex and the City in this. Let us away.)
Guess what? ASK. The worst thing we can do is say no.
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