SINCE THEY MADE their couple debut in mid-June, Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston have packed an awful lot in.
They’ve gone for (so many) long walks on the beach, met the parents, gone sightseeing in Rome and inspired countless ‘showmance’ conspiracy theories.
But these latest photos, taken at Swift’s annual July 4th extravaganza, are a step too far. The camel’s back is well and truly broken, and Hiddleston need to be stopped once and for all.
1. It hasn’t even been a month and already the world is weary
Since they debuted on June 15th, the world has been treated to:
- Photos of Tom Hiddleston and Taylor Swift hanging out with Tom Hiddleston’s mother in Suffolk.
- Photos of Tom Hiddleston and Taylor Swift cuddling at a Selena Gomez concert.
- Photos of Tom Hiddleston and Taylor Swift going sightseeing in Rome.
- Photos of Tom Hiddleston and Taylor Swift doing some more sightseeing in Rome.
- Photos of Tom Hiddleston and Taylor Swift generally being sickening.
It’s too much, damn it! Why can’t you do normal celeb couple things like, I don’t know, go for dinner in an exclusive restaurant where us plebs can’t see you? Or rent a yacht near a secluded island?
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2. To make things worse, nobody even believes this is real
If Tom Hiddleston and Taylor Swift are an actual item, they are doing a bad job at convincing the world it is legit. A search for “taylor tom fake” yields umpteen tweets like this:
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3. Probably because every photo of them looks like a photo from a Mam Clothes catalogue
The walks on the beach, the hand-kissing, the wearing his coat — goddamnit, real people don’t behave like this.
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4. Everyone looking at the latest photos of Tom and Taylor:
5. Seriously, though — how are the paparazzi on hand to document their every excursion?
*puts tinfoil hat on*
Taylor Swift is an incredibly famous pop star with tools at her disposal (read: hulky security guards) to prevent paparazzi photographers from lurking around her property.
After all, her relationship with Calvin Harris wasn’t documented by paparazzi nearly as thoroughly as this one. During that relationship, all the “OMG!” photos (read: the ‘swan goals’ photo) were mostly taken by Taylor herself and shared on her own Instagram. No paps in sight.
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Very curious indeed.
6. Conspiracies aside, their behaviour is straight up embarrassing
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Tom Hiddleston, you are 35 years of age and you’ve been dating this woman for a few months max. Why on Earth are you wearing a t-shirt that says “I <3 TS”? Did you learn about romance from Disney tween movies? Please.
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7. And why are you kissing her hand so much???????
Don’t you know that this is Grade-A creep behaviour? Do you also say “Enchanté” when you meet a woman of any description?
*retches*
8. In short, they’re one grand gesture away from becoming the new Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes
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A cruel comparison, maybe, but it’s time they were scared straight. Tom, Taylor, if you’re reading this — maybe just retreat inside for a while, watch Mr. Robot and give us all a breather, yeah?
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