"Um wow okay"
-all of Santa's other reindeer

— hannah (@TribalSpaceCat) December 14, 2014

‘Can we put the Christmas tree up, Daddy? Can we put the Christmas tree up, Daddy?’ Ugh, for the last time, I’m probably not your father.

— Damien Owens (@OwensDamien) December 5, 2015

"Holy infant so tender and mild." Song lyrics or cooking instructions?

— Nina Bargiel, probably (@slackmistress) December 25, 2012

think of all the kids doing magical faces in christmas ads being told afterwards that it's still July and your parents rented you for €350

— David O'Doherty (@phlaimeaux) November 16, 2015

Watching people open their Christmas presents is a good opportunity to see who hasn't undressed another person for a while.

— Sixth Form Poet (@sixth_formpoet) November 16, 2014

What flavor vape oil are you leaving out for Santa this year?

— rob delaney (@robdelaney) December 21, 2014

"I don't want a lot for Christmas."

Later...

"All I want for Christmas is you."

EXACTLY WHAT DOES THAT DO FOR MY SELF-CONFIDENCE, MARIAH.

— Sacha Fernando (@sacha_is_good) December 14, 2014

merry christmas, let's take a shit right down santa's neck pic.twitter.com/GCV0gyJKs3

— Patrick (@PrayForPatrick) October 2, 2015

me: wow its WAY TOO EARLY to be playing christmas music. like stop

jesus: cool ill remember that near your bday u piece of shit

— eric curtin (@dubstep4dads) December 11, 2014

Caroling. http://t.co/Eogt0QHtYH pic.twitter.com/AmrmQZgImm

— tldrwikipedia (@tldrwikipedia) December 25, 2014

TREE: [sees christmas tree thru window] who dose he think he is. all dressed up. too good to be outside
ANOTHER TREE: be nice, he is dying

— jonny sun (@jonnysun) December 25, 2014

god leads jesus out the front door, hands over his eyes. "merry you-mas." a Lexus with a red bow is sitting in the driveway.

— chuuch (@ch000ch) December 20, 2013

All wine is mulled wine when you think about it.

— John Brennan (@UpturnedBathtub) December 5, 2013

Chris Rea's carbon footprint music be obscene at this stage. He's been driving home for Christmas for three weeks already.

— Colm Tobin (@colmtobin) December 2, 2014

My moms legitimately angry with me for letting the dogs see their presents before tomorrow morning. Apparently I ruined their Christmas.....

— Anna Kristine (@akfarizel) December 25, 2013