THE IRISH WINTER wardrobe is an extremely dashing and attractive one.

Here’s what it consists of:

1. Bed Socks

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Either just old socks, or woolly affairs bought specifically for the purpose.  Generally kicked off in the middle of the night when your feet reach a temperature around that of the inside of the sun.

They should be big enough to go over another pair of socks and/or the ends of your jeans, for about-the-house wearing.

2. House Jumper

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A hideous object that you only ever wear in the house, and cannot be seen outdoors. Depending on its state and/or your level of self-respect, you might not even open the door in it.

Nevertheless it is warm and deeply comforting and gives you that unmistakeable feeling of ‘home’. Basically it is your blankie.

3. Beloved Slippers

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Battered and falling apart and having lost all their padding/insulation/warmth, but somehow the most comfortable objects you know.

Beloved Slippers often coexist with New Slippers, which someone has given you having noticed your slippers are fit for the great shoebox in the sky. While being newer and fresher and in every way more practical, the New Slippers will sit abandoned in a corner until the last possible moment.

4. Good Coat

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That you wear to any going-out type thing, and refer to as your ‘winter coat’. But in actual fact your winter coat is your…

5. Actual Warm Coat

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You probably keep this in your utility room, if you have one. It is most likely fleece-lined, and may well be in some kind of fluorescent colour.

You wear either (a) when you’re not going to be seen, or (b) on those days when you look out the window and absolutely cannot face leaving the house in anything else.

6. Dressing Gown

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Worn over clothes in times of great need. Or times of great hangover. Probably hasn’t seen a washing machine since the boom years.

7. And finally, Sofa Blanket

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This blanket lives spread out along your sofa like some kind of fleecy sea creature (except on the rare occasions when you have a tidy fit and fold it up neatly on the sofa arm). Around October, it feels like a delicious luxury. By February, you’re so accustomed that you feel naked if you’re watching Masterchef without it.

It goes without saying that it should have tea stains and biscuit crumbs scattered liberally across it. This completes your winter wardrobe.

What other particular winter garments do you need? What are we missing?

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