IF YOU GO abroad and use these phrases, prepare for some funny looks.

1. Yer man

What you say: Dya know yer man?

What they hear: Do you know that man that belongs to you?

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2. The yoke

What you say: That’s a great auld yoke.

What they hear: What a nice old wooden crosspiece my cow uses to pull a cart.

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3. Shift

What you say: Did you get the shift?

What they hear: Has your place of employment given you more work?

4. Lash

What you say: We going on the lash?

What they hear: We going to whip each other?

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5. Massive

What you say: You’re looking massive.

What they hear: You look huge.

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6. Runners

What you say: That’s a lovely pair of runners.

What they hear: I find those two people running down the street to be attractive.

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7. Hotpress

What you say: Will you put them in the hotpress.

What they hear: Press them together in an attempt to heat them up?

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8. Gas

What you say: Sure that’s only gas.

What they hear: Oh, that gas leak? Don’t worry about it.

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9. A fry

What you say: We’re having a fry this morning.

What they hear: We are sharing a single chip for breakfast.

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10. I will, yeah

What you say: I will, yeah.

What they hear: Yes, you can be assured I will do this asap.

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11. Jacks

What you say: I’m going to the jacks.

What they hear: I’m going to multiple men named Jack’s house.

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12. Minerals

What you say: Don’t forget your minerals.

What they hear: Don’t forget to take your mineral supplement.

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13. Jumper

What you say: He got a savage new jumper.

What they hear: He got a jumping, vicious, person.

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14. Shoulder

What you say: Two shoulders of vodka please.

What they hear: Put vodka between my arms and neck, please.

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