This site uses cookies to improve your experience and to provide services and advertising.
By continuing to browse, you agree to the use of cookies described in our Cookies Policy.
You may change your settings at any time but this may impact on the functionality of the site.
To learn more see our
Cookies Policy.
Download our app
13 great ways to seduce a woman, according to the internet
HOW TO GET a girlfriend? It’s a question that many of us have devoted hours of thought to.
This may or may not have been while lying on our single beds staring up at a ceiling covered in posters of Lightning from The Gladiators.
(Best teapot impression this side of Denby.)
Luckily, the internet has the answer to our prayers. Because the internet knows how to seduce a woman. Oh yes.
1. To meet a girl, get invited to parties
DatingDynamics.com
Do this by sounding like you think “parties” are some kind of quaint local custom, and you learned English from the Douchebag Phrasebook (1996 edition).
2. Alternatively, you could try befriending elderly men
wikihow.com
They MAY have sexy granddaughters.
If it doesn’t look like things are going right, just hit ‘em with the old “I’m a friend of your grandfather” line. Bam!
3. Play cool when you meet her
In the effort to avoid becoming distracted by boobies, try not to implode.
And also:
WebMD.com
You can think about golf, or Spongebob, or whatever.
4. This thought should never, ever happen
AttractWomenBooks.com
If you are having this specific, bondage-related dilemma, you are doing it wrong.
5. ‘Break The Touch Barrier’
wikihow.com
Um, on second thoughts, maybe leave the touch barrier right where it is.
6. Surefire conversational tricks
Either (a) Tell her she’s in your ‘Cool Book’:
artofseductions.com
(There is NOTHING women like better than being in your Cool Book.)
Or (b) Inform her that she is overweight, and could do with losing a few pounds.
askmen.com
7. Once the conversation gets going, twirl her like a ballerina
“It’s like the cat nip of attracting women.” Also, women are like damp clothes in the dryer. If in doubt, give her a few more goes around.
8. And remember…
datingdynamics.com
Also, saying “I’m not into futures” is frowned upon in both fields.
9. Now, if you set the mood right…
(by turning off all the heating and the lights)
10. … It’s kissing time!
But remember:
wikihow.com
And here’s a possible technique.
highschool-game.net
11. Taking it further?
Feel free to use this handy map of the female erogenous zones.
wikihow.com
The trusty armpit/shin-bone/heel combination. Some call it the Holy Trinity of seduction.
12. So you’re in a steady relationship. What to watch out for?
Two things. Firstly, she may exist in the world of 1998 (also known as “the Geocities Era):
Secondly, dating a woman is much like being repeatedly pee’d on by a dog.
girlschase.com
Now you know all there is to know. Go get ‘em, champ!
He’s got a girlfriend. Just look at him. (Shutterstock)
13. BONUS!
In case you haven’t been listening, here’s THIS GUY to explain it all to you in his own special way:
YouTube/awsomeguy711
They don’t call him awsomeguy711 for nothing. High five, awsomeguy.
To embed this post, copy the code below on your site
Advice art of seduction how to get a girlfriend how to seduce a woman important advice seduction