ONE OF LIFE’S great honours is when a friend gives you the responsibility of being the best man at their wedding.
It’s a blessing. A prestige. But it also comes with its share of stress:
1. The dilemma over how far to go with the stag costumes
“Should we go all out stereotypical penis-themed or be a bit more reserved?”
It’s all up to you. The pressure is on. Are you willing to embarrass yourself in public?
2. The realisation that being best man is more than just craic
Flights. Hotels. ACTIVITIES. Suddenly the burden is on you. You’re the final decision-maker for the all important stag party options.
3. The actual couple will inform you of your serious duties at the wedding months ahead of the big day
“It’ll be grand. The stag party is stressing me more and is, let’s face it, probably a bigger deal.”
4. People will question you about the speech for about six months in advance
“You got something in store for the speech?” they incessantly ask.
5. Little do they know, you’ll actually do the speech on the back of a napkin over pints a few nights before the wedding
You thought inspiration would come to you, but it never did. Now, like a college project, it must be torched through at the last minute.
6. On the big day, you will have a constant fear that the rings will go missing
It’s like carrying around a €100 note. You can’t shake the feeling that it will somehow fall out and you will ruin the whole day.
7. You feel pressure not to make any jokes during the proceedings
This is serious best man time. Jokes are for later. This is the actual wedding.
“Still, an Emily/Rachel Friends reference would go down well, if I could just whisper it without coming across like an idiot.”
8. And the speech will be judged like it’s stand-up comedy
“I wouldn’t have gone with that punchline, man. And why didn’t you mention Amsterdam 2012 at any stage?”
Begrudgers. Begrudgers, everywhere.
9. You are the go-to person for craic at the afters
All craic-related activities go through you. If someone has an idea for a “gas” communal dance, they will pitch it to you first.
10. And you’re also tasked with making polite small talk with the bride’s parents
It’s a dual personality for the day. One second you are discussing the flower arrangements like a normal human being and the next you are trying to find a hotel bar that serves alcohol ridiculously late for the debauched section of the attendees.
Multi-tasking.
11. The relief at the very end when it’s all over
You’ve done your job, and you’ve done it well.
