1. Press this dastardly button

Flickr/Sean McGrath

Snoozing doesn’t make you more rested. It may even make you feel worse. BUT THE LURE OF THE BUTTON CANNOT BE RESISTED.

2. Press THIS button

Even though you’ve just seen someone else do it. What if they haven’t done it right?

Flickr/James E. Petts

3. How’s it going? How’s it going?

Hug photo via Shutterstock

YOU: How’s it going?

THEM: Heyy! How’s it going?

YOU: So, how’s it going?

THEM: Good! How are you?

… etc, forever.

4. Check your phone for no reason

Your phone hasn’t gone off, and it isn’t on silent. But what if there’s been some kind of malfunction? What if there’s an important message? What if we’re needed at the UN?

Phone photo via Shutterstock

5. HONK HOOOOOONK

Flickr/phil wood photo

It’s 8.30am and you’ve moved four inches along the Naas Road in the last 20 minutes. But perhaps the magical horn will make the traffic in front evaporate? It’s worth a go.

6. Make conversation-appropriate faces while on the phone

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Because they might be able to see you.

7. Turning the house upside down looking for the remote control

Walking to the TV and changing the channel would be ridiculous.

Actually a great idea. (Flickr/Vagabond Shutterbug)

8. Open this

Then stare into it.

Then close it again.

Flickr/notfrancois

9. The ‘scribble’ action

When asking for the bill.

Bill photo via Shutterstock

See also: Making your thumb and forefinger into a little receiver to tell someone who can hear you perfectly well that there is someone on the phone for them.

What have we missed? Let us know in the comments…

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