YOU MAY HAVE noticed a disturbing development over the past number of weeks during which the internet reached peak pumpkin spice latte.
Whoops!
We couldn't find this Tweet
The Starbucks favourite is basically regular coffee topped with pumpkin-flavoured syrup, whipped cream and pumpkin pie spices. It tastes nothing like coffee and it’s utterly over-the-top.
And it’s only the start of it. There are literally dozens of drinks that are just, shall we say, too much. Too many flavours, too much sweetness, too much decadence and, yes, too many notions.
Basically these drinks needs to just chill and will make you long for simpler days when coffee was coffee, beer was beer and so on, so forth.
Like…
1. This aggressively autumnal beer
Just cool it with the pumpkin, everyone.
2. Bulletproof coffee
‘Bulletproof coffee’ is basically coffee with two tablespoons of butter and two tablespoons of either MCT oil or coconut oil thrown in. Yes, butter.
Available from a small number of health shops, it allegedly gives you more energy and can be used as a weight loss aid. People who follow the Paleo lifestyle swear by it, but we don’t know…
3. Stout beer-flavoured latte
In an effort to recreate the success of the now ubiquitous pumpkin spice latte, Starbucks is currently trialling this utterly unnecessary stout/coffee hybrid in a few select markets in the United States.
The dark barrel latte, as it is known, reportedly tastes like Guinness and comes with whipped cream and dark caramel sauce. Seems like it’s a bit Marmite-esque – as in you’ll either love it or hate it.
Whoops!
We couldn't find this Tweet
4. And on the flipside, we have coffee-flavoured wine
“Can I have a glass of coffee-flavoured chardonnay, please?”
Ah here. What purpose does this serve?
5. Buffalo wing milkshake
Buffalo wings. Liquefied. Inhaled through a straw.
Enough said.
6. This coffee that epitomises what it means to lose the run of yourself
Imagine telling your granny about your date and manuka honey-flavoured and almond milk-topped coffee.
What would she say? She would make you a cup of tea and gently rub your head while muttering, “Notions, notions.” That’s what she’d say.
7. This bacon milkshake
On the surface, this seems like it could work in a sort of perverse way. But then you find out that there’s no actual bacon involved. It’s not even garnished with bacon. It just vaguely tastes like bacon.
Once available from US fast food chain Jack in the Box, it contains “vanilla ice cream, bacon-flavored syrup, whipped topping and a maraschino cherry”.
Bacon-flavoured syrup.
8. Now that we think about it, the entire Starbucks menu would do well to exercise some restraint
“Skinny eggnog latte to go, please?”
9. And while it’s not necessarily a drink…
This deep-fried pumpkin spice latte monstrosity desperately needs to calm down. (They’re bits of cake soaked in pumpkin spice lattes and then deep-fried. Yep.)
COMMENTS (28)