1. Cramps are a very good reason for doing nothing at all
“Nah, sorry, can’t go out. Have to roll myself into a blanket burrito in bed with a hot water bottle on my belly.”
2. They’re also a very good reason to eat anything you want
If your period falls at any time during Lent, it’s the equivalent of 5-7 Sundays in a row. Fact.
3. Anything can come along and leave you emotionally bereft
Those damn period emotions.
We have identified some sure-fire triggers for a good period cry:
- Passion (sports people, weepy films, devotion to pretty much anything)
- Selflessness (people who do great work for charity)
- Success against the odds (people on game shows, sob stories on The X Factor)
- Frustration (Things falling over, extra long queues, general stupidity)
4. The utter indignity of bloating
You:
5. The daftness of the ‘Sneaking A Tampon To The Work Bathroom’ dance
When taking the whole bag just looks too obvious, you must try and get it up your sleeve, into a pocket, or tucked into a waistband without anyone noticing.
6. The horror stories
The ever-present threat of Toxic Shock Syndrome. Unfortunate leaks. That one friend of a friend who got a tampon ‘lost’ up there.
What if you’re next? What if it’s time?
7. Whoever makes tampons and sanitary pads cares not a jot for discretion
“Hmm, I hope no one can hear what I’m doing in here.”
*krrssssshhhhhheppp*
“Ah, never mind.”
Might as well walk around with one of these things on:
8. The ads make it look so easy
Ask any woman and she will tell you: This does not accurately represent the period experience.
Ah, that blue liquid. So true to life, amirite ladies?
9. It’s never over
Well, not when you think it is, anyway.
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10. Sometimes you feel a little badass
Women can bleed for up to seven days without dying. Just think about that.
11. How reluctant people are to just say ‘period’
“Time of the month.” “Aunt Flo.” “Munster are playing at home.”
Even Boots can’t quite bring themselves to label feminine hygiene products as such.
Say it with us: PERIODS. PEEERIOODDS.
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