Source: Antonio Calanni

THIS WEEK, EMMA Morano, the world’s oldest living person, celebrated her 117th birthday and revealed her secrets to longevity.

Every few months, a very old person reveals their secret to a long and happy life, and they are always completely bonkers.

Let’s look back at some of these ~secrets~ and try glean some wisdom, shall we?

If you want to live for a long time, just do what 117-year-old Emma Morano did, and remain single and eat raw eggs every day.

Source: CNN

If you see a man, run away from him. He will quite literally suck the life out of you. Oh, and eat porridge.

:)

Source: Daily Mail

Don’t forget to eat sushi and sleep lots!

Source: news.com.au

But also don’t sleep too much because one of the secrets to longevity is hard work!

Source: The Sun

Supplement the raw eggs, porridge and sushi with sausages, rashers and cider vinegar.

Source: The Mirror

While you’re at it, commence smoking immediately.

Source: Mirror

Don’t go to bed without having at least one whiskey.

Source: BBC

Actually, scratch that. Make that one whiskey and three beers.

Source: Cosmopolitan

And expose yourself to wild, wild women as often as you can.

Source: Independent

Eat loads of chocolate.

Source: Mirror

You should just avoid sex altogether and get really into yoga instead.

Source: USA Today

Consume all the bacon you possibly can.

Source: Time

Have no stress in your life :)

Source: Daily Mail

And if all that fails, just be a Japanese woman.

Source: Margolis

So, to recap…

• You should cut anything that isn’t bacon, chocolate, porridge, sushi, eggs and sausages out of your diet.
• Stop having sex immediately.
• No men.
• But lots of wild, wild women.
• Develop a serious smoking habit.
• Have beer and whiskey every day.
• Work hard.
• Practice yoga.
• Have no worries.
• Be Japanese.

Simple.

DailyEdge is on Snapchat! Tap the button below to add!