1. “I know Forever 21 is just the name of the shop but still, as someone who is not 21, I feel very attacked.”
2. “Can these sales assistants tell I’m ancient? Do they have training in this?”
3. “I can’t believe they’re trying to make rip-off tracksuit bottoms a thing again. And the kids are complying.”
4. “Everything here could feasibly have been in my wardrobe in 1996. These young ones don’t even KNOW.”
5. “Ah, a nice, simple white t-shirt. I’m in the market for one of those.”
6. *turns it around* “Oh OK, it says Only Talk To Me If You Have Pizza across the shoulders. Cool.”
7. “Never mind sure, we’ll just move on to the next one. This looks promising!”
8. “Off Duty Mermaid Lifeguard. That’s… not a thing.”
9. *picks up the next one* “Throw Pizza Not Shade, Mermaid? ACTUALLY F**K OFF.”
10. “I would like to find the bunch of executives who signed off on all this mermaid/pizza crap and slap them.”
11. “Wait a minute – are those ripped denim thigh-high boots?”
12. “So no plain tops but yes, plenty of heinous bootaloons! Great. Absolutely A+.”
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13. “There is nothing here that is not cropped. My kingdom for an extra few inches of fabric to cover my navel, which has not seen the light of day in eons.”
14. “Hold on. This dress is actually nice. No references to mermaids, unicorns, or pizza anywhere. And it’s €16.99. Is this a trick?”
15. “OK, I’m just going to try this on. I’m sceptical but I can’t deny it, I have hope.”
16. “Hahahahaha it won’t go down over my boobs. And this is an L. Is there anything bigger than an L? No, of course not. OF COURSE NOT.”
17. “Oh Lordy I am stuck. I could die here. If I have to go out and request help from the trendy, disaffected youths that work here, I WILL die.”
18. “I’m out. I’m out. Blessed day! I heard a seam give and got makeup all over the neckline but you know what, Forever 21? Consider this my revenge.”
19. “I think it’s time to admit to myself that I’m too old for this place. Yes, I must be sent out to pasture, AKA Next. Fare thee well, neon hellscape.”
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