KEEP KANYE AND Kim. You can have John and Chrissy.

Here are the five celebrity couples that intrigue me the most.

Kirsten Dunst and Jesse Plemons

Matt Winkelmeyer Matt Winkelmeyer

Kirsten Dunst has had what I call a fantastic love life. She has enjoyed an on-set romance with Tobey Maguire, a wild fling with Razorlight’s Johnny Borrell, and a steady relationship with Garrett Hedlund. That’s to say nothing of dalliances with Ben Foster, Adam Brody, Fabrizio Moretti and Jake Gyllenhaal.

In 2016, Dunst began dating Jesse Plemons, an actor affectionately known in some quarters as Meth Damon. It was a case of life imitating art as the pair had played husband and wife on Fargo. They are now engaged and expecting their first child.

Here’s why I love this couple: Jesse Plemons is big and burly with kind eyes. I can imagine him blindfolding Kirsten Dunst, leading her into a room and being like, “Surprise!” as she’s greeted by a beautiful wooden baby crib that he made with his own hands. Do you know what I mean? He is the polar opposite to Johnny Borrell, who once rode a motorcycle through Dunst’s house.

Meanwhile, Kirsten Dunst is effortlessly cool, but not so cool that she won’t post a photo of her cat and caption it, ‘Happy Caturday!’

They are a perfect couple and seem very happy. I cannot wait to hear what they name their future child.

Naomi Watts and Billy Crudup

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Once upon a time, I was obsessed with Naomi Watts and her husband Liev Schreiber. But then they split up in 2016 and Liev Schreiber started dating a former Miss South Dakota literally half his age.

Naomi Watts, meanwhile, started dating Billy Crudup, her co-star in the otherwise forgettable Netflix series Gypsy. (You may remember Crudup from such films as Spotlight and Eat Pray Love, and also for leaving his pregnant partner Mary Louise Parker for a much younger Claire Danes. :/)

I’ll tell you why I like this couple. Both Naomi Watts and Billy Crudup are exceedingly good looking and occupy the same celebrity social strata. That is to say that neither are markedly more famous than the other. Additionally, they are the same age and both turn fifty this year. This shouldn’t be refreshing, but it is! How often do you hear of middle aged actors dating women their own age. Not often!

Whether this is merely a rebound or winds up being the real thing, I’m into it.

Jameela Jamil and James Blake

A few weeks ago, I was reading an interview with real-life goddess Jameela Jamil in The Cut. The author happened to mention that Jameela Jamil had been dating a famous British musician for the past three years, but declined to identify him. A very quick Google revealed that they were referring to James Blake!

For those of you who don’t watch The Good Place, Jameela Jamil plays a serial namedropper by the name of Tahani. Among the celebrities frequently referenced by Tahani is Beyoncé. You know who was a key contributor to Beyoncé’s last album? None other than James Blake. (He produced one track and is featured on another.)

*gasp*

How miraculous is it that Tahani is dating a man who has collaborated with Beyoncé? Maybe we are living in The Good Place after all.

Katie Holmes and Jamie Foxx

Getty Images for NARAS Getty Images for NARAS

Once upon a time, Tom Cruise bounced around on Oprah’s couch and declared that he was in love with Katie Holmes. They got married and had a daughter before eventually going their separate ways (though not before lots of non-disclosure agreements were signed).

Since then, Katie Holmes has slowly but surely come into her own again. She has started attending more and more events, landed a few roles here and there, and, interestingly, started dating Jamie Foxx.

Let me tell you why I am so intrigued by Katie Holmes and Jamie Foxx’s relationship. By all accounts, they have been seeing each other for a few years now – reports of their relationship first surfaced in 2013 – but they have yet to publicly acknowledge it in any way. Instead they have consciously chosen to remain under the radar.

Here’s a little insight into how private they are. In January, the pair attended Clive Davis’ starry Grammys gala together. The couple were naturally seated beside each other. But right before Davis was set to announce Foxx’s presence, Katie Holmes moved seats lest she draw attention to herself. Unfortunately for her, Clive Davis noticed and called her out.

This lady left the room right when I was going to introduce her, she was sitting at that table right with Jamie Foxx and everyone else.

After being one half of a very public-facing couple for so long, it’s natural that Holmes would want to keep her relationship out of the limelight. That herself and Foxx have mostly managed to pull it off in an age of constant surveillance is impressive.

Good for you, Katie!

Rooney Mara and Joaquin Phoenix

Here’s what you need to know about Rooney Mara and Joaquin Phoenix. The pair fell in love while starring in the biblical drama Mary Magdalene in which Rooney Mara plays the titular character and Joaquin Phoenix plays Jesus Christ. A relationship with vaguely religious undertones? Saucy!

The moment I knew I loved Rooney Mara and Joaquin Phoenix as a couple was when I read that they were “holed up in the desert” at a detox spa and spiritual retreat. Can you imagine anything more intense than Rooney Mara and Joaquin Phoenix getting to know each other while having colonics and meditating? I’m giddy just thinking about it.

I also happen to think that they’re a very attractive couple. Sure, she looks like a haunted porcelain doll and he looks like he could play Jerry Fish in a film, but they’re both inordinately talented and have that sulky ‘I don’t give a f**k’ attitude down to a tee.

Long may they last.

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