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Help, I am allergic to Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds' social media banter

A little tip, guys: less is more.

BEFORE I SAY what I’m about to say, I wish to state that I bear no ill will towards Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively. Why would I? They are improbably glamorous to the point where I suspect they have been crafted in a Mattel factory. They have two daughters named James and Ines, which we can all agree sounds like the name of a fashion label that specialises in chic oversized shirts. They had Florence Welch and Bette Midler sing at their wedding. (A wedding that was held on the site of a former Southern plantation that was once home to as many as eighty-five slaves, but a wedding nonetheless.)

That is to say, they are Hollywood celebrities living their most absurd Hollywood lives and I don’t begrudge them for a second.

My only complaint about Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively is how they conduct themselves on social media. Over the past few years, the couple has made a concerted effort to roast and troll each other on social media at every available opportunity.

There was the time Blake Lively shared a photo of Ryan Reynolds checking out Helen Mirren. There was the time Blake Lively openly dissed his attempts at baking Christmas cookies. There was the time Ryan Reynolds wished Blake Lively a happy birthday by cropping her out of a photo. There was the time Blake Lively retaliated by cropping Ryan Reynolds out of a photo. There was the time Ryan Reynolds ‘clapped back’ at suggestions their marriage was on the rocks. There was the time Blake Lively joked about cheating on him with Anna Kendrick. There was the time Ryan Reynolds’ gin brand – yes, he is a gin entrepreneur – asked Blake Lively to send her resume to Ryan Reynolds.

The list goes on and on and on. It’s not especially funny, but it satisfies the internet’s insatiable thirst for content. Case in point: every time they have one of these exchanges, the Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively Troll Each Other™ news cycle kicks into gear and we are treated to dozens of fawning articles about how they are “savage AF’ or “the definition of relationship goals”.

It’s… exhausting.

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I am as partial to a good celebrity couple interaction as anyone. I live for Chrissy Teigen ribbing John Legend, for example. But the difference is that Chrissy Teigen is savvy and witty enough to make her tweets feel like you’re getting a glimpse at the inner workings of her marriage and domestic life.

By comparison, Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds’ incessant trolling war reads like two brand social media managers having edgy banter. Their back-and-forths don’t read as though they were written while sitting next to each other on the couch. Instead they have the feel of something that was carefully tweaked and edited over an e-mail chain with nine participants. It’s too perfect, too pithy, too #goals.

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It’s a clever strategy in that it allows the couple to control the news cycle while still withholding anything that could be construed as real or private from the public.

But much like Ryan Reynolds’ gin, this sort of couples banter should only be doled out in small measures and the Lively-Reynolds have far exceeded their limit to the point where I am left wondering if they are in fact a couple and not just content providers. (Now that’s an episode of Black Mirror.)

A little tip going forward, guys: less is more.

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