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AS WE DRAW slightly closer to summer and the end of college semesters, it’s time for people to get serious about their J1s, Erasmus trips, year studying abroad or plans to emigrate in a few months time. 

For some, it’s a really, really exciting time. There are so many fun new experiences ahead that’ll make you a more confident (and hopefully an all round better) individual, but for every person who’s excited about jetting off to Canada, or Europe, or America, or Asia, there’s a boyfriend/girlfriend out there who’s extremely anxious at the thoughts of leaving their partner behind (or staying at home while their partner travels) (or maybe even worse – travelling at the same time to a completely separate destination). 

We spoke to some of the gals from DailyEdge.ie and TheJournal.ie (who give really good advice, btw) to ask those who have been in that position in the past (or had close friends who were in LDRs), what is important to keep in mind when someone in a relationship heads abroad. 

The first piece of advice we received, when we asked if any of the gals had advice for people about to enter long distance relationships?

Don’t. They are an absolute nightmare. 

But seriously. It’ll be hard, but it does not have to be the end. Some relationships do get better after long distance. Makes the heart grow fonder, and all that. 

My best friend is in one and it actually made their relationship a lot stronger. They see each other once a month, have started saving for a house, and both keep very busy when apart. It forced them to plan their future more, which ended up working out really well for them. 

And everybody seemed to agree that keeping busy is key (insert key emoji here, for emphasis). 

The distance pushed me to get back in touch with people I had been neglecting, and gave me time to “focus on myself” (lol). I ended up doing loads of stuff and taking loads of opportunities. 

 One way to keep busy is to write letters too! It’s nice for both parties to have something physical to look forward to receiving, rather than texts, emails, etc. There’s nothing wrong with keeping in touch by phone though, that’s obviously very necessary too. 

Just make sure you put some time aside for them, even if it’s just a 10 minute call, because communication goes a long way [see below]. Being thoughtful goes such a long way in long distance, and that doesn’t mean showering them with gifts, but putting thought into sentimental things every once and a while really makes a difference. 

Agreed on putting time aside. I was in a long distance relationship for three years, and a bit of structure goes a long way. You need to set aside time for it like you would any other kind of meet-up (so none of that “Oh, I’ll have ten minutes to chat but I have to rush off to meet someone else then” kind of stuff). 

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Aside from that, you need to be honest and you need to communicate. If you can’t do that already, maybe your relationship need a bit of work. 

You both need to be really, really, really honest going into it about what you want and where you see it going after. 

Talk about EVERYTHING. Even if you’re annoyed about something, or you think it’s really small, you need to bring it up then and there because if you let it fester, it’ll be 100x worse. Especially when there’s time differences involved. 

And that’s true regardless of whether it’s a two hour time difference or an eight hour time distance. Time zones can pose as a major obstacle sometimes.

It takes time to find a rhythm that works, especially if you’re both in different time zones. A half hour call when one of you is freaked about being late for work that morning and the other is chilled out watching Netflix before bed is always going to cause a bit of tension. 

It’s gonna be hard, there’s no way around that. It’s gonna make you upset a lot, but you need to be open with them and vent about your feelings when times are tough because at the end of the day, they’re probably feeling the exact same way. 

Another one of the gals said that this was the moment that she realised there was no realistic future for her relationship, and that’s something you have to be willing to accept too sometimes. Sounds shit, but it was all for the best in the end. 

Neither of us were really in it for the long term, and it was ultimately one of the best decisions I ever made. 

And it is essential to have an end goal. 

If it’s close enough that you can arrange regular visits, you should be grand. 

There needs to be some kind of end goal in sight that you’re both working towards. Whether it’s a visit, or the actual end of the trip abroad. Otherwise, it’s extremely hard to stay motivated.

Simply put:

If you don’t have an end goal, what’s the point?

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